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Band 6.5

Today much of the food people eat gets transported from farms that are thousands of miles away. Some people believe it would be better for the environment and the economy if people only consumed food produced by local farmers. Would the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#food #people #farms #thousands #miles #environment #economy #farmers #outweigh
The
amount
 of
food
 that nowadays is eaten by
people
 comes from
farms
 that are not close to the residence area. A group of
people
 think if the
food
 that grows on
farms
 which are near to the places where
people
 are living it could have a better impact on habitat and
also
 the
economy
. I believe that benefits are more than disadvantages.
Firstly
, the
amount
 of employment will increase when local
farms
 produce as much as big
farms
. When farmers start planting more, they will need more workforce which is helpful for local
people
 to earn more money.
For
example
,
people
 who were jobless would have a job that increased the quality of their life.
Secondly
, the
food
 that
people
 eat will be fresh. it means that
people
 quality`s of eating improves because of using fresh vegetables.
For
example
,
foods
 which had been coming from away distance will come sooner
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 might be fresher which is good for
people
's health. So using
foods
 that are produced near
farms
 has a lot of good impact on
people
's lives. Using more
fuel
 for transporting
foods
 that come from far
farms
. When
foods
 are transported from a big distance the
amount
 of
fuel
that is
 used increases which is a disaster for the environment and source of natural
fuel
.
For
example
, when
fuel
 usage increases the cost of it will increase by governments which is a huge problem for the
economy
. The
amount
 of illness is getting more and more because of using vegetables that come from a big distance and are kept for days in transporting vehicles.
For
example
, when a child eats
food
 which is not fresh it must be ill after using that for a long term. So using
foods
 that come from far away has more disadvantages which are dangerous for the
economy
 and habitat and
also
 the health of
people
. In the bottom line, it is so good if
people
 use their needed
food
 from local
farm
Fix the agreement mistake
farms
show examples
instead
 of that are far because of their health and the impact of the
economy
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity and avoid minor grammatical errors to ensure a higher band score.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more specific examples and data to make your points more robust.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence variety and linking phrases to make the essay flow even better.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction provides a clear understanding of the topic and your stance on it.
logical structure
You have presented a logical structure with main points and supporting details.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay showcases your understanding of the topic and the implications of local vs. distant food sourcing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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