IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is apositive or a negative development?

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Firstly
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, most
children
Use synonyms
 stay on their
phones
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 most of the time, and that
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
 because the smartphone became vital in every single detail in our lives. Actually, it is impossible to see anyone without a phone, and it is
also
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 true for
children
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, smartphones have a huge number of positive points.
Children
Use synonyms
 nowadays can learn anything or any subject on the phone, and they can
also
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 watch a significant experience and learn
great
Punctuation problem
great,
show examples
 useful things from it.
Due to
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 the
phones
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, most
children
Use synonyms
 now learn critical thinking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
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 is a very successful point for using
phones
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
children
Use synonyms
 now waste most of their time in things
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 totally not useful. And there are some
children
Use synonyms
 dont even find time for studying, and the main culprit is
phones
Use synonyms
. And
due to
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phones
Use synonyms
, they miss their future , their dream
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
also
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 their life. Regarding social relationships,
phones
Use synonyms
 have limited communication, so it is rare to see
children
Use synonyms
 playing together or catching up these days, and
that is
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 extremely worrying. In my view, I believe that
phones
Use synonyms
 are negative developme only for
children
Use synonyms
 who use
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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 in misleaing method.
In contrast
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, it is a great development for
children
Use synonyms
 who know how to use
phones
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 in the correct way.
Finally
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, whether a
phones
Use synonyms
 are positive or negative invention, depends on the way
children
Use synonyms
 use their smartphones.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: why children use phones so much, and why this is mostly good or bad.
task response
Give one clear opinion early and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Add simple real examples to support your ideas, like study apps, games, or less time with family.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas into clear paragraphs: reasons, good side, bad side, and your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy link words correctly, like First, Also, However, For example, and Finally.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about phones too many times; develop each main idea more.
task response
You answer both questions and talk about reasons and effects.
task response
Your ending gives a clear final thought.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic paragraph order and the essay is easy to follow in parts.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words like Firstly, On the other hand, and Finally.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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