Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is apositive or a negative development?

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Rarely to
sSome
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some
children
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spend hours every day on their smartphones.
This
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happens because the smartphone has become vital in every single detail
in
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of
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our
life
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lives
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. Actually, it is impossible to see anyone
with no
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without a
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phone, and it is
also
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true for
children
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. On the one hand, smartphones have a huge number of positive points.
Children
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nowadays can learn anything or any subject on the phone;
also
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, they can now watch a significant experience and learn
great
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great,
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useful things from it.
Due to
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phones
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, most
children
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now learn critical thinking, and
this
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is a very successful point for using
phones
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.
In contrast
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, it is a great development for
children
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who know how to use
phones
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in the correct way.
On the other hand
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,
children
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now waste most of their time on things that are totally not useful. There are some
children
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who don't even find time for studying, and the main culprit is
phones
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.
Due to
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phones
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, they miss their future, their dream, and
also
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their life. Regarding social relationships,
phones
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have limited communication, so it is rare to see
children
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playing together or catching up these days, and
that is
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extremely worrying. ​ In my view, I believe that
phones
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are a negative development only for
children
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who use them in a misleading
method
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way
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.
Finally
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, whether
phones
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are a positive or negative invention depends on the way
children
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use their smartphones
..
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.
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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You say why children use phones and give your view, but your ideas need more depth.
task response
Add one or two clear real-life examples to support your main points.
task response
Explain your ideas more clearly. Some points are good, but they are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some phrases feel repeated or not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point stronger by adding a short explanation after it.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the last paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a logical order from good points to bad points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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