IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Both men and women care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is believed that men and women now care about their
appearance
Use synonyms
 more than
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 used to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
show examples
 explain why.
The globalisation
Correct determiner usage
Globalisation
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
blow
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
concearned
Correct your spelling
concerned
 about their
appearance
Use synonyms
. Before beauty
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 were diverse depending on the local
people
Use synonyms
's
backround
Correct your spelling
background
, culture and accessibility to stuff.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
show examples
 it is still, if
before
Rephrase
apply
show examples
being skinny were though to be
sign
Correct article usage
a sign
show examples
 of poverty, but now being healthy and well-enough skinny is considered to afford the gym and access to healthy products. Globalisation changed the style of clothes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 cultural
wearing
Replace the word
wear
 is now hard to see
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
 except on holidays. Now women and men like to wear the clothes that are shown in labels and
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
,because they like to be look-alike models in
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 and feel pretty.
Besides
Linking Words
 that
internet
Use synonyms
 arises the consearns amoung physicologists.
According to
Linking Words
researches
Replace the word
research,
 social
media's leads to decreasing of
Correct word order
media leads to a decrease in
show examples
 self-esteem,
tones
Use the right word
tons
show examples
 of filters,clippers on the clothes which are not shown, implants on their body and
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of money and time that was invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their bodies and
appearance
Use synonyms
 creates unreachable
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
. If bold men before did not care about their hair-loss, now most of them
ready
Verb problem
are ready
show examples
 to spend thousands of dollars to get back those hairs just not
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 considered unattractive.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I think that before the problems with self-esteem were
also
Linking Words
 arising
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
. But
people
Use synonyms
 did not have access to
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 to solve the problems with their appearances, did not have enough money and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
researches
Check wording
research
show examples
 put the
appearance
Use synonyms
concearns
Correct your spelling
concerns
 on the second plan. If they were not able to change it,
then
Linking Words
 there is no
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 to worry about it. In conclusion, I think that
yes
Punctuation problem
yes,
show examples
 now
people
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
concearned
Correct your spelling
concerned
 about their
appearance
Use synonyms
 more
due to
Linking Words
blowing
Correct word choice
the blooming
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 and access to different services, but
before
Punctuation problem
before,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 could not care a lot
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of accessibility and money.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence cohesion
Give one or two clear examples to support each main point. This will make your answer stronger.
task achievement
Answer the question more fully by saying how much you agree, not only that you agree.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more. Some points are interesting, but they need clearer explanation.
task achievement
Use examples that are direct and easy to understand, so they clearly match your main idea.
task achievement
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep the same view to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, body parts, and conclusion.
task achievement
You include relevant ideas about global media, social media, and money.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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