IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that people should be given the right to use freshwater as they like. Others believe governments should tightly control the use of freshwater. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is widely acknowledged that since access to freshwater is a significant human right, natural
resources
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 have to be given
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great consideration by governments.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that it must be a restriction by the government for
people
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 to consume freshwater, others feel that freshwater access cannot be limited
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 everybody can
use
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 as much as they want. I firmly agree that given that
extremly
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excessive
 usage can swiftly eradicate national
resources
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, the government should bring legislative regulations to regulate the
use
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 of freshwater.
People
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 utilise clean
water
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resources
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 to cover their daily needs and
health
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,
therefore
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 increase in their needs leads to excessive consumption rate. If the population has a serious problem
to reach
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reaching
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 clean
water
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, many diseases have developed rapidly.
For example
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, recent studies show that India
has
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does
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 not enormous natural
reosurce
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resource
 of clean
water
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, so
people
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 cannot
use
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them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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 whenever they need
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then
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apply
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it
leads
Correct pronoun usage
, which leads
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 to irreversible
health
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 problems.
Therefore
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, ensuring enough freshwater is vital for public
health
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. Nowadays, national
resources
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which
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, which
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 are essential for
people
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 to continue their
lives
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lives,
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gain an
Wrong verb form
have gained
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 importance
due to
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 climate change.
Although
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 allocating the freshwater
resources
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 is significant, the government should take
account
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into account
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 every possibility they may see in the future.
Furthermore
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, supply chains play an important role in public
health
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, as freshwater from unknown or unregulated sources may contain harmful substances, which can lead to serious
health
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 problems.
For example
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, in Africa, many
people
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 consume
water
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that is
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 not safe to drink, and
as a result
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, they suffer from serious diseases. In conclusion,
although
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 governments make countless efforts to supply clean
water
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 for public
use
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, greater consideration must be given to how it is consumed by individuals. I firmly maintain that legislative regulations can significantly raise
people
Use synonyms
's awareness.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You talk more about control, but the view about free use is not fully explained.
task response
Give your own opinion in a direct way in each body part, not only in the start and end.
task response
Use examples that fit the idea better. Some examples are too general or not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some parts feel hard to follow because ideas jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few sentences do not clearly connect to the question about who should control water use.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
Your position is clear: you support government control.
task response
The essay stays on the topic of fresh water and public health.
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