It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is agreed that the
role
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of educational institutions is significant in the growth of the young generation. Many individuals raise questions about whether it's the duty of education centres to provide learning about ethics
along with
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traditional studies.
Although
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I partially agree with
this
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notion, many schools are merely working as business centres rather than knowledge heavens, teaching not only formal schooling, but
also
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etiquette.
To begin
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with, many
parents
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and guardians are working professionals, who spare less
time
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to focus on their kids and to guide them about social life behaviours.
Therefore
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, the main job of training good manners falls upon the schools, where kids spend most of their
time
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. Adolescents interact in many situations during school hours, where they should learn how to respond in a positive way.
For instance
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, pupils face
such
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moments when other classmates misbehave or act in a negative way; teachers are the best
role
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models to influence and guide them on how to respond to these instances.
However
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, educators and trainers cannot do all
this
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alone, without the support of
parents
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. Pupils spend one third of their day in education or training centres to gain knowledge and learn good etiquette; the rest of the
time
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, children are with their
parents
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or guardians.
Therefore
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, it is shared responsibility between the guardians and the teachers to nourish adolescents together in all aspects.
For example
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, a mother or a father can spend some
time
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with kids as
role
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models and demonstrate how to face several difficult situations. In conclusion, the
role
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of schools and instructors in teaching general education with soft skills is undeniable;
parents
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' input is of equal importance. I would say mutual efforts with a common understanding between both parties are crucial for the better growth of school-going young ones.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but later your view is not fully clear.
task response
Stay closer to the question. The part about schools as business centres does not help your main answer much.
task response
Add one or two more direct ideas on why schools should or should not teach good behavior.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and real. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph has one extra idea that is not fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Check small spacing and punctuation problems, because they can break the flow when we read.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You include both schools and parents, which shows a balanced view.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
coherence and cohesion
Words like therefore, however, and for example help connect ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • good behavior
  • character development
  • values
  • respect
  • kindness
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • curriculum
  • social and emotional learning (SEL)
  • parental guidance
  • consistent environment
  • academic performance
  • engagement
  • collaboration
  • social cohesion
  • positive reinforcement
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