IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that children should learn a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is
denying
Replace the word
a denial of
 the fact that knowing a foreign
language
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a significant role nowadays for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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students.
This
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 essay will discuss when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children should
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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learn a foreign
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language
Punctuation problem
language,
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is it
Correct word choice
whether
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 in primary or secondary
school
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.
To begin
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 with, there are many positive for teaching the kids in primary
school
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.
Firstly
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in
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, in
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this
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these
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 ages it is easy to teach them because they still do not know their
tong
Correct your spelling
tongue
 mother.
In other words
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, they
also
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 do not have hard subjects
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 if they focus on learning a different
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language
Punctuation problem
language,
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 it may
be not
Correct word order
not be
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 difficult.
In addition
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, there are plenty of ways to learn a
language
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.
For example
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, if a child was using social media in
different
Correct article usage
a different
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language
Punctuation problem
language,
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 it may grow fast because he will face the
language
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 most of the time in his free time and
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school
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school,
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 even if he did not use it a lot
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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language
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would
stuck
Wrong verb form
stick
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 in his mind. In terms of the benefit of secondary
school
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, many of the subjects use a different
language
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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what
Verb problem
is
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 the aim the eduction to make it
more easy
Replace the word
easier
 for the students to see the
language
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that by reading the
school
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 books or other
one
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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 it is significantly useful for them.
Moreover
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, play a videos games
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 an important
side
Punctuation problem
side,
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 they can put whatever
language
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 they want to develop.
For instance
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, when they are
online
Punctuation problem
online,
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 they may play with different people from all
the
Change preposition
over the
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 world In conclusion, there are many positives thing to teach at primary. It is
also
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 true that

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Add some bad points of learning a foreign language at primary school. Now your essay talks mostly about good points only.
task response
Give fuller ideas. Some points are too short or not fully explained, so the reader cannot see your meaning well.
task response
Use examples that are clear and close to the main topic. Some examples, like social media and video games, are not well linked to school learning.
coherence and cohesion
Make a clearer plan: introduction, one body part for good points, one body part for bad points, then a full conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, However, For example, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Write topic sentences at the start of each body part, so the reader knows the main idea of that part.
coherence and cohesion
Finish the conclusion fully. Your last sentence is not complete, so the essay feels unfinished.
task response
You stayed on the topic of children learning a foreign language at school.
task response
You gave more than one reason for your ideas, such as young age, free time, books, and games.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words, like Firstly, In addition, For example, Moreover, and In conclusion.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Fluency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Cultural awareness
  • Globalized world
  • Proficiency
  • Educational opportunities
  • Motivation
  • Resource constraints
  • Specialized teachers
  • Academic pressure
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum balance
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