IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Several
individuals
Use synonyms
 believe that the
game
Use synonyms
 played on group provide more advantage,
while
Linking Words
 remaining
individuals
Use synonyms
 believe the
game
Use synonyms
 played by
individuals
Use synonyms
 is best.
Although
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 sports played in teams teach to be more supportive and accountable, individual
games
Use synonyms
 teach to be more skilled and independent. On the
one
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 hand, sports played on a team help people to be more helpful and equal contributor on
game
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. Each memebr are accountable towards
game
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 group
games
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such
Linking Words
 as football
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 more
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 11
players
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 on fields. And all
players
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 need to play as a team, they all need to pass the ball
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each other , and they should follow eachother instruction
while
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 playing so that the
game
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 runs smoothly.
Additionally
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,
such
Linking Words
games
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 teach
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
 be more accountable towards
one
Use synonyms
's own actions because
Use synonyms
one
Check wording
one's
show examples
 mistake of an individual can lose the whole
game
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.
For example
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,
circket
Correct your spelling
cricket
 is
one
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 of the most popular
games
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 globally, and each
players
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 likewis; the baller, batsman, and fielder are all equally important to win that match.
However
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, the whole
game
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 does not totally depend on a single person's capabilities, which can make those
players
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 more careless on
game
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.
On the other hand
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,
games
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 played by
individuals
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 teach more responsibility.
That is
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 why
individuals
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 focus more on skill-developing activities and fully depend on their capacity. No
game
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 will
rule
Wrong verb form
be ruled
show examples
 by
other
Correct determiner usage
another
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 person.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 whole
game
Use synonyms
 results will determine how the player is going to perform
his
Change preposition
in the
show examples
game
Use synonyms
.
Player
Correct article usage
The player
show examples
 is becoming more conscious
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 his actions.
And an
Correct word choice
An
show examples
 independent attitude starts to develop in their nature , and they become more skilful.
For instance
Linking Words
, chess is played by a single person, the strategy made by
players
Use synonyms
 totaly rely on their practice and cognitive power, how perfectly
players
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 can run their mind.
Therefore
Linking Words
, individual always upgrade their individual nature to be more skilled and calculative in their activities. In conclusion, outdoor
games
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 played on teams provide more benefits
then
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 singler player playing a
game
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.
Although
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 team
games
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 help to be more helpful,
individuals
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 make people more responsible for their actions.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Write a little more about why each side is good.
task response
Give your own opinion in a clear way in the introduction and conclusion, and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. Explain how the example supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with the main point, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way, like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some ideas now feel sudden or not fully developed.
task response
You discuss both team sports and individual sports.
task response
You give your own view in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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