In marriages today, some argue that it is the responsibility of both spouses to earn a living for the family. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
believe that household expenditure should be shared by both parents
equally
Punctuation problem
equally,
show examples
as with modernisation and advancement in technology, the expenses are rising at an alarming rate. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
of shared responsibility.
To begin
Linking Words
with, modernisation is one of the most prominent reasons which contribute towards
this
Linking Words
trend. Advancement in technology is
prime
Correct article usage
the prime
show examples
reason for an increase in expenses. Electrical
equipments
Check wording
equipment
show examples
such
Linking Words
as
automatic
Correct article usage
an automatic
show examples
washing machine, kitchen appliances,
air
Correct article usage
an air
show examples
fryer and so on, are not only making life easier but
also
Linking Words
increasing
net
Correct article usage
the net
show examples
monthly expenses of the families.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
number of
people
Use synonyms
prefer comfort for a productive life. Comfort is expensive in nature as it requires some investment and regular
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
prefer to use private cars as their mode of transportation
instead
Linking Words
of public transportation. Private cars require monthly services
as well as
Linking Words
daily petrol intake, which is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
expensive in nature.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
materialistic era, both parents should equally contribute to home expenditure to maintain a modern lifestyle.
Additionally
Linking Words
, females are
also
Linking Words
earning handsome salaries as more and more companies are providing various opportunities to them.
This
Linking Words
enables
female
Check wording
women
show examples
to break the traditional beliefs of society and allows them to share
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
with pride.
For instance
Linking Words
, each year, China has been reserving 50% of particular job titles for
femles
Correct your spelling
females
only for 5 years.
This
Linking Words
is leading to
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
growth of China's GDP each year.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is no
such
Linking Words
rule that only males have the responsibility of
household
Correct article usage
the household
show examples
. It is
prime
Correct article usage
the prime
show examples
duty of females
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
not only
earn
Verb problem
to earn
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
to share
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
at
international
Correct article usage
the international
show examples
level.
Hence
Linking Words
, home is a place where family lives with love and harmony, and home should be managed with collaboration at
emotional
Correct word choice
both emotional
show examples
Linking Words
as well as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
financial
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is
prime
Correct article usage
the prime
show examples
duty of both spouses to take responsibility to earn for a family. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
opinion.
However
Linking Words
, it is a personal choice of each family
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is totally acceptable because no one has
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
to change or rule other
Use synonyms
people' life
Check wording
people's lives
show examples
and their choices.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Stay on the main question. The task is about both spouses earning money, but some parts talk more about home costs and comfort than about marriage roles.
task response
Make your position clear all through the essay. You say you strongly agree, but the last line says it is a personal choice. This makes your view less clear.
task response
Explain your main ideas more deeply. Some points are good, but they need more direct links to why both spouses should work.
task response
Use examples that fit the point in a more direct way. The China example is interesting, but it does not fully show why both spouses in a marriage should earn.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, like 'to begin with' and 'additionally', but a few sentences are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In some parts, many ideas are put together, so the flow is weaker.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because small errors make some parts less smooth and lower the flow.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion in the introduction.
task response
You include more than one reason to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Basic linking words are used to connect ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: