IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Cities are now expanding; should the government make a better network for public transport or should they build more roads to facilitate car ownership? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely acknowledged that city planning requires more attention than ever.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that authorities ought to provide a better infrastructure for public
transport
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, others think that they ought to support private
cars
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 by building more highways. I firmly agree that the
government
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 should provide a well-connected transportation system because
this
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 can help reduce the risk of traffic accidents and achieve their net zero emission targets.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. The foremost reason to support my view is that public
transport
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 usage plays a crucial role in increasing safety on the highways.
This
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 is because a significant number of
people
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 are dedicated to their work
and
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, and
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 extreme work hours distract their attention from the road when they drive home or to work.
As a result
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, as individuals prefer taking a bus or metro
that is
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 driven by well-trained professionals, they don't have to be careful about the road anymore.
For instance
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, the U.K. has a very well-designed metro system , and there are fewer traffic accidents than in India.
Therefore
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, a well-connected public
transport
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 have a great impact on safety.
Furthermore
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, another reason to justify my stance is that private
cars
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 are a major concern in achieving the
governments'
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government's
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 zero emission targets. Having a private car,
people
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 consume more fossil fuels, leading to an increase in emissions. To illustrate, in the U.S., a significant number of individuals prefer using their
cars
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 during commute hours , and
this
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 is a major contributor to carbon emissions.
Consequently
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, the
government
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 would be unsuccessful in terms of achieving the targets. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 believe that the
government
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 should invest in building more roads to encourage the use of private
cars
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, I firmly maintain that creating safer road environments and reducing carbon emissions by using public
transport
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 are more crucial for the
government
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.

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task response
Make your main idea more exact in each body part. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Add one more clear and real example or explain your example more. This will help your points feel more full.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear view, but you can show the other side a little more before you disagree.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links feel a bit mechanical. Try to use fewer simple link words again and again.
coherence and cohesion
A few ideas need smoother flow. Make sure each sentence follows the last one in a natural way.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic and answers all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your body parts are easy to follow and each one has one main point.
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