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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the Monarch butterfly

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The diagram explains the cyclic process of
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 of
Monarch
Correct article usage
the Monarch
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 butterfly, starting from an
adult
Use synonyms
 butterfly that transforms into an egg.
Overall
Linking Words
, development is a cyclical one , a process of evolution, and has nine stages .
Firstly
Linking Words
, Eggs produced by an
adult
Use synonyms
 butterfly on milkweed and
then
Linking Words
 after 14 days
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 are transformed into
larva
Fix the agreement mistake
larvae
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. After that,
newly
Correct article usage
the newly
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 hatched larva attaches to milkweed.
Secondly
Linking Words
, after 10
day attachment of
Correct word order
days of attachment, the
show examples
 larva turns into a chrysalis.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, an
adult
Use synonyms
 butterfly emerges from the chrysalis. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 an
adult
Use synonyms
 butterfly begins migrating south within half
year
Correct article usage
a year
show examples
. As the evolution continues occurring, they begin a return migration north to find
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 partner.
Finally
Linking Words
, an
adult
Use synonyms
 butterfly finds a partner for mating and egg laying. After that, the cyclic growth repeats itself over and over again, starting from an
Adult
Use synonyms
 and ending with a eggs.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adult with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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