IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Cities are now expanding; should the government make a better network for public transport or should they build more roads to facilitate car ownership? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that nowadays civilisation has had a rapid and massive growth.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that
governments
Use synonyms
 have to establish
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
 and
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
 network for public transport. There is
also
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 an argument that
governments
Use synonyms
 should invest in
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
 great roads in order to facilitate car owners. In my opinion, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that they should
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
invest in
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 a complete transprtation systems and facilitate all types of modern
transportation
Use synonyms
 technologies. On one hand,
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 a better public
transportation
Use synonyms
 network could be an efficient solution for air pollution that comes
out of
Change preposition
from
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
. In other
word
Check wording
words
show examples
, high consumption of
cars
Use synonyms
 and private
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 methods might
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to air pollution.
For example
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, some countries tend to
depand
Correct your spelling
depend
 on light rails, metro and buses
,
Punctuation problem
. As
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as a result
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, they noticed a clear decline in pollution statistics,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
instead
Linking Words
 of every family or indivisual own a car
general
Punctuation problem
, general
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 technologies deliver all the
presidents
Use the right word
passengers
show examples
 at the same time.
On the other hand
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, many people say that
cars
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
are not
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 only a
transporting
Replace the word
transportation
 method,but it is a lifestyle. It is
also
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 possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they love their
cars
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they want the
governments
Use synonyms
 to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable roads to encourage them to enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their hobby.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not only
Use synonyms
cars can
Correct word order
can cars
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 be a hobby,
even
Correct word choice
but
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 motorbikes
, and
Verb problem
can be too, and
show examples
 riders need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better roads to enjoy safely, because bikes in general are dangerous. In conclusion, despite people having
deifferent
Correct your spelling
different
 views,
however
Linking Words
, on balance, I tend to believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 and decision makers should afford
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
 and
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
 network,that could
serves
Wrong verb form
serve
show examples
 car ownership and public
transportation
Use synonyms
. In order to
afford
Verb problem
give
show examples
people
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
freedom so they can select what they want to deal with.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Each body paragraph should have one main point and explain it well.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and easy to understand. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentence clear at the start of each paragraph. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and correct way. Some linking words are used, but a few are not natural or correct.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. In the last paragraph, do not add a new idea that changes your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a good essay shape.
task response
You tried to discuss both sides of the topic, which helps answer the task.
task response
You gave an example about trains, metro, and buses to support your view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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