IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It’s generally believed that success in fields such as art and sport can only be achieved if a person has natural talent.However,it’s sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to becomea good sports person or artist. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no doubt about the fact that natural talent
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a pivotal role
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
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 successful
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 field
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as sport and art. Meanwhile, some individuals believe that anyone can become a successful person in
such
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 fields under proper guidance and motivation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the views of both sides.  I personally believe that many people
born
Verb problem
are born
show examples
 with specific abilities. They really don't need any motivation to choose a field. Here, I would like to give an example from my personal experience. My sister-in-law's daughter
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 fascinated towards
gymnastics
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
since
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 her childhood. She
never
Verb problem
has never
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 been to any
gymnastics
Use synonyms
 classes and her parents never put any efforts to teach her anything. As she
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
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 up, her interest in
gymnastics
Use synonyms
 got
more
Rephrase
apply
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stronger. Eventually, she joined
gymnastics
Use synonyms
 classes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 now she is playing on state level. On the other side, not all children
born
Verb problem
are born
show examples
 with natural
talnet
Correct your spelling
talent
. They need motivation from their parents and teachers to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
in
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particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 field. Many children do not like any
sports
Use synonyms
and any
Correct word choice
or
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 other skills.
However
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, ongoing support from their guardians can assist them
to choose
Change preposition
in choosing
show examples
 an appropriate
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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.
For instance
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, my daughter doesn't like any
sports
Use synonyms
.
Me and my husband
Correct word order
My husband and I
show examples
 always encourage our daughter to participate in
sports
Use synonyms
. We encourage her that
sports
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 are good for your health. We enrolled her in karate classes. Her transformation is abandoned
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 since she joined karate. In conclusion, participating in
sports
Use synonyms
 or other activities is important. If
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 someone has a
talent
Punctuation problem
talent,
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then
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 you should come in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support.
However
Linking Words
, talent can be built up in kids as they are very young
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they learn quickly.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Say why talent matters and why teaching matters.
task response
Give a clear opinion all through the essay, not only at the end.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are short and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences feel sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
You answered the topic and discussed both views.
task response
You used personal examples, and they fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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