IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar charts compare the percentage of men and women aged 60 to 64 who were employed in four different countries in the years 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 provided raw charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the percentage of
male
Check wording
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 aged from 60 to 64 in four different countries from 1970
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
most high
Replace the word
highest
 fee
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 workers have
Japan
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the
most lower
Replace the word
lowest
,
in addition
Linking Words
USA
Use synonyms
located
Verb problem
is located
show examples
almost
Change preposition
with almost
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
similar bonus with Australia. At the same time, women states demonstrate the most hight raiting of
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 too. In early
1970
Punctuation problem
1970,
show examples
workers rate
Check wording
workers' rates
show examples
 in
Belginum
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 slight.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Belginum
Use synonyms
 hit-the most weak point with 19% in 1970.
Then
Linking Words
Belginum
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 sharply and became
the on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 of the country wich is have a lot of workers in 2000,
that is
Linking Words
 79%.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
with
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 Australia
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 almost
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 proportion in 2000.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 they have similar
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
 in 1970,
that is
Linking Words
 55% and 47%.
Japan
Use synonyms
 have a large population in
emloyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 between
male
Check wording
males
show examples
 and
female
Check wording
females
show examples
, supply 86% with 43%.
Belginum
Use synonyms
 in women space have the poor population
on work
Replace the word
working
 in all
perod
Correct your spelling
periods
 with 8% and 7%.
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
The USA
show examples
 with
Japan
Use synonyms
 indicate incredible states,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in 1970
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 28 fee
Japan
Use synonyms
 completely
dominate
Wrong verb form
dominated
show examples
 in all space with 43%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, usa, belginum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: