IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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In our day, producers of
food
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 and beverage
products
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 maintain high levels of
sugar
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, which causes many people to have health problems.
This
Linking Words
 is a really worrying situation which we should try to solve or decrease the number of consumers who have health issues. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view , and I believe that
this
Linking Words
 will assist us. On the one hand,
sugar
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 is very sweet , and when anybody tries it, he or she will always eat
products
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 with
sugar
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. First step, the government ought to make unhealthy
food
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 more expensive in supermarkets and coffee shops. Second , and one of the main steps, limits for the amount of
sugar
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 in grams or milligram ratio,
for instance
Linking Words
, a single bottle of soda contains a lot of
sugar
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 , which is linked to obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and negative consequences for teeth. The final step that the government should take is to promote awareness of the drawbacks of a sedentary lifestyle.
Moreover
Linking Words
, manufacturers have to replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
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products
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 with healthy
food
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. It can take more than one year , but it is possible in reality.
As a result
Linking Words
,
overall
Linking Words
sugar
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 intake declines.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, raising the price of
sugar
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products
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 could place an unfair financial burden on low-income families. In supermarket healthy
products
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 always cost more than
unhealty
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unhealthy ones
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the majority of the money is spent only on
food
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, increasing prices does not address the root cause of the problem, which is a lack of awareness about healthy eating. In conclusion, I strongly agree that sugary foods and drinks should be made more expensive.
This
Linking Words
 measure would encourage people to consume less
sugar
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 and could lead to huge improvements in public health.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea in each part more clear. Put one big idea in one part, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some words are used, but a few feel forced or not fully right.
coherence cohesion
Support your points with one clear example. For example, explain how a higher price can change buying habits.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. You agree, but part two sounds partly against your own view.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they stop too soon.
task achievement
Use examples that are more exact and more linked to your main view.
task achievement
You clearly show your opinion in the introduction and the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
task achievement
You use some good topic words like obesity, diabetes, and public health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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