IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

These days people pay more attention to artists (writers, painters and so on) and give less importance to science and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, people are more interested in following artists
instead
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 of caring about science and digital advice. In my perspective, that tend extremly wrong and would lead to negative and harmful issues.
This
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 essay will express
this
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 problem in depth. Recently, the majority of people
attracted
Verb problem
are attracted
show examples
 by artists in order to get more fun, in return csientests and their inventions get less attention. Even though writers` books and painters` paintings
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 any relatives, may involve some information that benefits the students and inspires inventors in their ideas,
this
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 type is rare and not familiar to the audiences.
Moreover
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, that could distract individuals from achieving their goals. Science usually allows us to understand life in different aspects. Added to that, its explain how the things around us is workind and how its be created.
Furthermore
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, that would lead to communities that are suffering from knowledge weaknesses.
To sum up
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, caring greatly about artists leads to a lot of harmful issues and wasting of socities` posipelety in developing.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas, for example how science helps in health, travel, or study.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Some points are too short, so the reader cannot fully see why they are important.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer paragraph plan: intro, one body paragraph for artists, one body paragraph for science, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, because, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects well to the one before it. Some ideas now jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
Your main view is easy to see: you think giving less care to science is wrong.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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