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Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, there has been a rise in the popularity of second-hand clothing amongst the younger generation. Why is this happening? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, the trend of buying second-hand items is growing significantly among the young generation
instead
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 of buying new ones.
This
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 happens
due to
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 the influence of social media, which heavily promotes
such
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 things on various platforms. I think it is a negative development because I believe it creates emotional discomfort and
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
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 hygiene problems. One of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
following
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this
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 trend is the usage of social media applications, where influencers show their concerns towards environmental problems.
By promoting
Change preposition
Promoting
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 second-hand clothing
on it,
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apply
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helps people to reuse and recycle
of
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apply
show examples
clothing
than
Correct word choice
rather than
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 throw it away. Youngsters love to wear these clothes because it gives them
Vintage
Correct article usage
a vintage
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 look, and by wearing
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them, they
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also
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 reduce the waste
from
Change preposition
in
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 the economy.
For example
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, most of
thrift
Correct article usage
the thrift
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 stores, and Value
village
Fix capitalization
Village
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 are offering these clothes at
cheaper
Correct word choice
lower
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 prices than the price of Zara, Nike, and H&M. Even some youngsters got 70-80% off on these products by investing a small amount on it.
However
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, despite these benefits, I still consider it
as
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apply
show examples
a negative development. Undoubtedly, the idea of pre-worn clothing is financially constrained, and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a smart choice by
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation. But I think, wearing someone's clothes may create a sense of discomfort among them because of having
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 body shape
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
sizes
Check wording
size
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.
Moreover
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, people may experience bacteria, skin allergies or sweat residue by wearing old stuff, if they are not
sanitized
Change the spelling
sanitised
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 properly.
For instance
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, many thrift stores receive huge donations from dwellers, and they do not have facilities to deep clean, which may cause skin infections later. In conclusion,
although
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 the craze of wearing old outfits
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing significantly among new generations
due to
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 the influence of social media, I believe
this
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 trend has negative consequences, which
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 the question of proper hygiene and emotional feelings.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why this trend is growing, and then explain more fully why you think it is bad.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body part.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are not fully explained. Add one or two more simple lines to show how your point leads to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: one reason, also, however, as a result.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but some are too general. Give one clear and direct example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
task response
You give reasons and examples about social media, price, and health.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphs helps the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cost-effective
  • environmental impact
  • sustainable alternatives
  • fast fashion
  • vintage
  • mainstream fashion
  • individuality
  • social media influencers
  • celebrities
  • promoting sustainability
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