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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. in what ways technology has effected the types of relationship people make. Is this a positive or negative development

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There is no denying the fact that
technology
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 has significantly changed the way
people
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 communicate and build
relationships
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.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that these changes have improved social connections, others argue that they have negatively affected human interaction.
This
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 essay will discuss how
technology
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 has influenced
relationships
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 and explain why I believe
this
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 is a largely positive development. One of the main ways
technology
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 has affected
relationships
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 is by making communication faster and more convenient.
This
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 is because
people
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 can now interact instantly through social media, messaging applications and video calls regardless of their location.
For example
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, family members living in different countries can maintain close
relationships
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 through platforms
such
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 as WhatsApp and FaceTime.
As a result
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,
people
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 are able to stay connected more easily than in the past. In my opinion,
this
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 is generally a positive development because
technology
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 allows individuals to create and maintain
relationships
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 that would
otherwise
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 be difficult to sustain.
Furthermore
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, online platforms enable
people
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 to meet others who share similar interests, which can lead to meaningful friendships and professional connections.
For instance
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, many
people
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 use online communities and networking websites to build both personal and professional
relationships
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.
Therefore
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,
technology
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 has expanded social opportunities for many individuals. In conclusion,
technology
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 has changed
relationships
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 by making communication easier and allowing
people
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 to connect across long distances.
Although
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 excessive use of
technology
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 can sometimes reduce face-to-face interaction, I believe that its benefits outweigh its drawbacks and that it is a positive development
overall
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.

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task response
Answer all parts a bit more fully. Say more about what kinds of ties change, like family, friends, and work ties.
task response
Add one more clear bad side of technology, then explain why your view is still good overall.
task response
Use more exact examples, not only general ones. This can make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas inside the body a bit more. Some parts are clear, but they can flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea stand out with a fuller topic sentence and one more support line.
coherence and cohesion
Try not to repeat the same idea words too much, like 'relationships' and 'technology'. Use simple other words.
task response
You answer both parts of the task and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a good order and easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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