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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people aroung the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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from
Change preposition
Over the
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last
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many
Correct determiner usage
few
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decades
Punctuation problem
decades,
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 there have been enormous changes in the way
of
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
's lives are affected by using
phone
Check wording
phones
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 every day to keep in touch with other
people
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. Recent years have witnessed
must
Use the right word
much
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 discussion revolving around the issue
whether that
Change preposition
of
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 how it changes
people
Use synonyms
's behaviour and daily routine. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 we will examine the main advantages and disadvantages
in regards to
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regarding
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Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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use
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social
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of social
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media
Use synonyms
 around the
world
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. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 are manifested in several ways. There are various advantages associated with
people
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's habit of
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use
Wrong verb form
using
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 social
media
Use synonyms
 to get news and communicate with
othe
Correct your spelling
other
people
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
people
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 feel themself attached
with
Change preposition
to
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 other person with social
media
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and
Punctuation problem
,
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 it gives them relief from
daily
Correct determiner usage
their daily
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 busy work.
For example
Linking Words
,
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 all are attached with their work or business so that it is
outstanding
Correct article usage
an outstanding
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 source of
communicate
Replace the word
communication
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, when
people
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use
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 social
media
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 and get in touch with other
people
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 that gives them news and knowledge
what
Change preposition
about what
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 is going on in the
world
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 and their
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
 in daily life.
For instance
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,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
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people
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 do not know what is happening in their surrounding and
then
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 they feel themself underprevelged.
Thirdly
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, to
use
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 social
media
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adn
Correct your spelling
and
 communicate with other
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people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 it grows
people
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's thinking power and ideas, which makes them confident and more attractive in the
world
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.
Likewise
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, when
people
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 communicate
when
Correct word choice
,
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 some kind of dopamean releases in their body
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is good for their health and
mentalhealth
Correct your spelling
mental health
. It never
send
Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
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 them into depression.
This
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 issue
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 multifarious merits,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 there are some demerits as well. On the priority, if
people
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use
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 social
media
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 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis which makes them lazy and
slow
Verb problem
slows them
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 physically and mentally. More importantly,
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
people
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 do not prefer outdoor games like football, cricket, basketball
etc.
Punctuation problem
, etc.
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they want just
Correct word order
They just want to
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use
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 social
media
Use synonyms
for
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to
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 talk to other
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 or make reels to post on social
media
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.
For example
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,
Last
Linking Words
years
Check wording
year's
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 survey
has done
Wrong verb form
was conducted
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 by the sports association of one of the
province
Fix the agreement mistake
provinces
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 in canada, in survey
came
Verb problem
found
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 that
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 do not like
play
Verb problem
to play
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outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
 or in any groups.
if somewere
Correct your spelling
If somewhere
 they
seen
Wrong verb form
saw
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 a sitting group together
most
Punctuation problem
, most
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on
Change preposition
of
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 them
using
Verb problem
were using
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phone
Check wording
phones
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instead
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 of
take
Verb problem
talking
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 to
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.
Moreover
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, some schools allow
to
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apply
show examples
children to bring their phones
in the
Change preposition
to
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 school
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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distract
Correct subject-verb agreement
distracts
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 them from education and to learn something new.
Likewise
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, children commit suicide in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school
due to
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 loneliness because no one
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 time to talk to someone
neither
Correct word choice
or
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 listen to someone. In conclusion, no doubt
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 has given
long term
Correct your spelling
long-term
 merits.
However
Linking Words
, we can not deny the
short term
Correct your spelling
short-term
 demerits, so from my perspective
people
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 should make themself disiplined.
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 should give time to both activities
playing
Punctuation problem
, playing
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 and using social
media
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.
when
Fix capitalization
When
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 they talk to other
people
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for
Change preposition
to
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 get news that
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 they should encourage each other to play and do some outdoor activities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 meet outside
somewere
Correct your spelling
somewhere
 to explore
real
Correct article usage
the real
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world
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this view clear in all parts.
task response
Use ideas that directly match social media, not phone in general. Some parts change the topic.
task response
Give one or two clear examples and explain them more. Some examples now are too general or not easy to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one main idea. This will help the essay feel more clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like First, Also, However, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the one before it. Some parts now jump too fast from one idea to another.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You talk about both good points and bad points, so the reader can see both sides.
task response
You try to give examples to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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