IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learining a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some intellectuals believe that primary school are the best place to teach
kids
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 a foreign
language
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 than secondary school.
Although
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 teaching
adoloscents
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adolescents
 a different
language
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 at a young
age
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 can make them forget their native one and risk being culturally distant, it will make them
acheive
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achieve
 perfection in that particular
language
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 by adding it
is
Verb problem
apply
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as an
unforgetable
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unforgettable
 skill in their portfolio. Children are having fresh mind to register information and gain knowledge.
This
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 is why people may
thik
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think
 it
as
Verb problem
is
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 a perfect
age
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 to learn a different
language
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but
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, but
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 it may result in these
kids
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 forgetting their mother tongue as they allocate most of their time to gain more command over the foreign one upon learning it.
Additonally
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Additionally
, it can make them fall apart with their community as these foreign languages bring their own cultural influence.
For instance
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, a foreign
language
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 contains
their
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its
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 literature in it
and
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, and
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 many children may find it
interesting
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more interesting
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 than their own and
gets
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get
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 easily influenced.
On the other hand
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,
kids
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 who learn a foreign
language
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 at a young
age
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 achieve fluency in that
domain
Check wording
language
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.
This
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 would make them a
vetern
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veteran
 upon becoming adults in comparison to others who started at a later stage. It is said that people never forget a
language
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 that they learned in their prime.
Therefore
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, junior school is the best place to teach these
kids
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, and make them remember
during
Change preposition
for
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 their entire lifetime. I believe there are more advantages in making them learn in their prime
age
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. In conclusion,
while
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 there may be a slight chance of children becoming aloof from their roots and
forgeting
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forgetting
 their mother tongue,
that is
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 the best
age
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 to be taught a foreign
language
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 as it will make them more skilled and perfect in the future.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas. Your only example is too general.
task response
Explain your disadvantages more carefully. The idea about forgetting the first language is not fully proved.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some sentences feel long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingualism
  • cognitive development
  • linguistic proficiency
  • language acquisition
  • cultural awareness
  • multiculturalism
  • early intervention
  • language immersion
  • primary education
  • secondary education
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