IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are spending more time at work and less time with their family. Why is this happening? What effects can this have on individuals and their families?

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Nowadays, working hours are increasing at an alarming rate. Simultaneously, family time is decreasing at the same rate.
This
Linking Words
 trend is mainly driven by rising living costs and growing workplace competition.
As a result
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, it can negatively affect both individuals' well-being and family relationships.
To begin
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 with, the rising living cost is one of the
most prime
Correct word choice
main
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 reasons for
this
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 situation. Along
modernization
Change preposition
with modernisation
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,
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to live an up-to-date lifestyle.
This
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 costs them a lot, which ultimately increases pressure on their shoulder to earn enough to afford everything.
Consequently
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, working hours are surging rapidly to meet
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 demands of the
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, competition in the job market is changing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is forcing
people
Use synonyms
 to become more sophisticated
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
works
Check wording
work
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.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to work more to get more work experience in order to become expert for their job market.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 working trend leads to negative effects on individuals and their families. Workers often feel stressed and burnt out after long shifts.
This
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further
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 increases anxiety, self-doubts and sleep
deprivations
Check wording
deprivation
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. Working extra hours not only affects their physical health but
also
Linking Words
 affects their mental health
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 psychological disorders are increasing in numbers among young workers
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the job
markets
Check wording
market
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.
Also
Linking Words
,
communication
Correct article usage
the communication
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 gap between workers and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 is widening
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is creating
misunderstanding
Check wording
misunderstandings
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.
This
Linking Words
 enables loneliness and trust issues to penetrate individual hearts and make them feel sad.
To conclude
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,
due to
Linking Words
 inflation, workload is obvious and necessary, but every working person should balance their work-life relationship so that their physical and mental health
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
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 healthy.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why this happens well, but the effects part can be more fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then add one or two clear supporting details.
task response
Give a small real example to support your ideas, such as parents missing meals or school events.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast. Use simple linking words like first, also, as a result, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and grammar because unclear phrases can make your ideas less easy to follow.
task response
You answer the question directly and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows the causes and effects you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is present and gives a clear final view.
task response
You include more than one cause and more than one effect, which helps your response.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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