IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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These days, a rapidly increasing number of individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 struggle with health issues are using other medications rather than consulting physicians.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon may have side effects
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 my opinion. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss my reasons
on
Change preposition
for
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 why I believe professionals in the medical field should be our number one
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 when it comes to our health. There are many reasons that are given to make
this
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 claim
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 one of the reasons is not having enough knowledge about science. To illustrate, medicine is based on scientific information, which forms the pills we take and the plans we follow to get better.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if someone who has diabetes is not educated on the negative impacts that wrong treatments has his or her body may suffer from new diseases unless a doctor gives him or her the right instructions.
In addition
Linking Words
, as the internet is getting smarter than ever, more false information is spreading
on
Change preposition
about
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 normal amounts of specific medications that should be taken daily or weekly. To explain, a patient may take more than two tablets of vitamin C
,
Punctuation problem
;
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this
Linking Words
 may result in stomach problems that give him or her discomfort in that area.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if a doctor gives that patient the advised amount of vitamin C, he or she might not suffer from stomach issues.
Finally
Linking Words
, I think all people should go to the hospital in order to get treated. In conclusion, we must ensure action is taken to prevent our health from deteriorating
by
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due to
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 incorrect ways
to heal
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of healing
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 our bodies. Doctors are a blessing in my opinion because they take my pain away and put a smile on my face.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why this is a negative development and keep this idea all through the essay.
task response
Give fuller main ideas. Some points are too general and need deeper explanation.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic better. Your vitamin C example is clear, but it is a bit narrow for the whole topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make your second body point clearer. The idea about the internet and false information can be shorter and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some long sentences are hard to follow and slow down the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more carefully. One body paragraph has too many different points, so the essay feels crowded.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you think this is a negative development.
task response
You use support for your ideas, especially when you talk about wrong treatment and false information.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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