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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

2020-08-22: Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue?

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Eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 leads to severe
heath
Use the right word
health
show examples
 problems
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue is more common among youngsters. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the main
cause
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend and examine its effects on society. It
very
Verb problem
is very
show examples
 hard nowadays to find healthy
food
Use synonyms
 that
dose
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not contain harmful ingredients and chemicals that harm us and lead to diseases. The popularity of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 has increased over the years
ans
Correct word choice
, and
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 many companies are heading toward creating more and more
unhealthly
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 as snacks
,
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 many of these snacks are being advertised and sold to kids. Professionals now claim that many health problems are affecting teenagers at a very young age, and all of these issues are related to their lack of nutrition and healthy
food
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. These companies are adding chemical
coloring
Change the spelling
colouring
show examples
 to their snacks
these
Punctuation problem
; these
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 chemicals might
cause
Use synonyms
 early heart diseases
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 young children.The new generation of young children is noticed
that they are
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 much lazier with eating problems that
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 obesity.
In contrast
Linking Words
, children now have the freedom
of buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 unhealthy
food
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 anywhere. In
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is being sold to them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there's no supervision by the school board on what's being sold to the young students. Many teachers claim that they have seen some
viliont behavior
Correct your spelling
violent behaviour
 among the students, the health professionals have
confimerd
Correct your spelling
confirmed
 that some of the
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks that are being sold in the
cafetria
Correct your spelling
cafeteria
 might
cause
Use synonyms
 some changes in the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of the child. Awareness should be spread
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 parents about the harmful side effects of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
, and governments should take action and provide
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
strict laws to ban these companies
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 using any harmful
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
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. In conclusion,
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is the primary
cause
Use synonyms
 of an unhealthy lifestyle. Unhealthy foods are considered to be addctive specially to youngsters,
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 the new generation may suffer from obesity and laziness.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the introduction, and keep this same view in all body parts.
task response
Add more clear support for your main idea. Some points are general, so explain how junk food causes the problem step by step.
task response
Use one or two simple examples. For example, mention school meals, soft drinks, or daily snacks to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part mixes causes, effects, and company action, so split ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like first, also, because, as a result, and however can help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences are very long, so make them shorter and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic of junk food and young people.
task response
You give more than one reason, such as health problems, obesity, and school food.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary habits
  • self-control
  • advertising
  • appealing
  • convenience culture
  • fast food
  • obesity rates
  • nutritional education
  • affordability
  • psychological effects
  • well-being
What to do next:
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