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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Other believe that some infornation is too important or to valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion

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There is an ongoing debate about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access
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 to a wide range of
information
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, with some arguing that
information
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 in scientific research, business and the academic world should be accessible as much as
the
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in the
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 past,
while
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 others claim that some
information
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 is more valuable to be spread widely.
Although
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access
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widely
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apply
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to
information
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 can bring about positive outcomes for people, it is noticeable that some
information
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 can have a negative impact on society. Supporters of
access
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widely
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apply
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to
information
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 believe that
this
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 availability can contribute significantly to people learning about various subjects
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such
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, such
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 as medical science, history, and different cultures,
consequently
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 gaining valuable lessons and detailed
information
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while
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 improving their essential skills, including critical thinking, creativity, communication, and problem-solving.
For instance
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, learning about history and diverse cultural heritages makes people informed about different traditions, which helps them improve their social skills and make progress both personally and socially.
This
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 view ultimately can lead to social development by exposing individuals to a wide range of
information
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.
However
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, critics argue that freely
access
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 to
information
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 can pose a detrimental threat to communities, mainly because some
information
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such
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, such
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 as political
matters
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matters,
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 is more
security
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sensitive
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 and significant
which
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, and
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 sharing
them
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it
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 widely can give rise to social instability.
In addition
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,
information
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 about medical science needs academic education to evaluate
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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 more efficiently and comprehensively. A lack of literacy in
such
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 fields can lead to health problems
such
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 as drug abuse. As an example,
information
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is
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apply
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related to
military
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the military
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 must be restricted to
general
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the general
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, as
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public, as
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 the spread of
them
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such information
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 can
face
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pose
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 a country various security problems, particularly at war time.
Therefore
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,
such
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information
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 must be banned to
public
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the public
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.
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
while
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access
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widely
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apply
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to
information
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 can enable individuals to improve their understanding of various subjects and reinforce their capabilities,
this
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access
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 can pose detrimental consequences,
such
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 as
information
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 overload,
spreading
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the spreading
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military
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of military
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 secrets, and health issues in society.
Thus
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, policymakers should
be
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apply
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carefully
regulated
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regulate
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 people’s
access
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 to
information
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 to prevent
from
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apply
show examples
such
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 challenges.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. The first side is clear, but your own view needs to be stronger and more direct in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Give more exact examples. Some examples are general, so they do not add strong support to your main ideas.
task response
Make each main idea easier to follow. At times, the meaning is there, but the line of thought is not fully clear because of word choice and grammar problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking between ideas. Some parts connect well, but a few sentences feel heavy or hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main point in each part, then explain it step by step. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check phrases like 'access widely to information' and 'must be banned to public' because unclear wording makes cohesion weaker.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion, so you answer the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples about history, medical science, and military information to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • share
  • information
  • scientific
  • research
  • business
  • academic
  • world
  • important
  • valuable
  • open
  • ideas
  • progress
  • findings
  • products
  • cure
  • diseases
  • sensitive
  • data
  • personal
  • details
  • trade
  • secrets
  • safe
  • protect
  • people
  • hands
  • serious
  • problems
  • students
  • learn
  • knowledge
  • innovation
  • balance
  • found
  • specific
  • details
  • approach
  • general
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