IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the government is responsible for aged care and financial support for the elderly; others argue that it’s the role of individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In my opinion , I believe it must be the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
 of the government to provide the
helath insurence
Correct your spelling
health insurance
 for aged people , since many of them
retiermented
Wrong verb form
are retired
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 and the salary would be low to cover the expenses of the healthcare. And it is a fact that when people age , the requirements of
healt
Correct your spelling
health
 increased sharply , and most of the medical examination is very expensive to afford , regardless
the
Change preposition
of whether the
show examples
 aged
patiants
Correct your spelling
patients
 are required to do the examination regulary , In
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 it costs a lot compared who
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 the test
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
once.

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task response
Write about both sides, not only your view.
task response
Add a short ending to clearly show your opinion.
task response
Give one clear example to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use full sentences and link ideas in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
Start a new paragraph for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, however, and so.
task response
Your main opinion is clear from the start.
task response
You stay on the topic of old people and health care.
coherence and cohesion
You give a reason about low income and high health cost.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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