IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

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Exploring local and overseas
counteries
Correct your spelling
countries
 has become
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 currently among many
tour
Use the right word
travel
show examples
 lovers. It is said that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 tourism has
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 role in increasing
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
, as it is growing very fast
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, some people consider that it is dangerous for the environment. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 my views about it
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will be explained in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs. To commence with,
When
Fix capitalization
when
show examples
 people visit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
nations
Punctuation problem
nations,
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 they have to buy
costly
Correct article usage
a costly
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 air ticket, since they cannot go there by train or
buses
Check wording
bus
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. They have to spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 accommodations and
hotel
Correct article usage
a hotel
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. They go to visit that country's historical and tourist
places
Use synonyms
, where they have to pay for
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 or cabs. They
also
Linking Words
 allocate money for the reserved
tickets
Check wording
ticket
show examples
 prices. Sometimes, tourists buy traditional clothes or other things
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 that
nation
Use synonyms
 for their family members
also
Linking Words
.
Hence
Linking Words
, tourists spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their trips
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it directly or indirectly boosts the economy of
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
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 nations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, tourists have detrimental effects on the
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
As, when
Correct word choice
When
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 they go
for visiting
Wrong verb form
to visit
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 historical
places
Use synonyms
, they are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the rules and regulations of that place
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they throw litter here and there,
instead
Linking Words
 of putting it in
garbage
Correct article usage
the garbage
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 bins. They book rides and cabs
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
also
Linking Words
 increases
more
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 use of natural oils, and they
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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 pollution by doing so.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they sometimes write names on historical
place's
Check wording
places'
show examples
 walls, which causes damage to the beauty of that building
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
hence
Linking Words
, it is
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 development for nations if they
will
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not follow the rules and regulations of
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
places
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 visiting historical
places
Use synonyms
 has abundant benefits for the economical conditon of any
nation
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 has considerable negative effects on the
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 of that
nation
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can not be overlooked by the government. In my
perceptives
Correct your spelling
opinion
, before visiting any country
visitors
Punctuation problem
, visitors
show examples
 must look for that place's rules and regulations from the internet,
it
Correct word choice
as it
show examples
 would be better
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not only
that
Change preposition
for that
show examples
 country but
also
Linking Words
 for visitors.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear. You say you partly agree, but your reason is not fully clear all through the essay.
task response
Add more direct ideas about local culture, not only the environment, because the task asks about both.
task response
Use one or two clear real-life examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about money and damage; develop each point more fully.
task response
You answer both the good side and the bad side of tourism.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, body paragraphs, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are placed in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural dilution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Responsible tourism
  • Ecotourism
  • Cultural conservation
  • Habitat destruction
  • Sustainable practices
  • Cultural exchange
  • Commercialization of cultural sites
  • Cultural heritage
  • Local ecosystems
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