IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Some people believe that the government should pay for the care of elderly people in nursing homes, while others think that families should bear this responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

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It is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 topic in
Britian
Correct your spelling
Britain
,who should give money for the
care
Use synonyms
 of older people in older age
care
Use synonyms
 homes ,where nurses
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
care
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Oftenly
Correct your spelling
Often
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 of the country pays for their
care
Use synonyms
 in nursing homes.In my
perceptives
Replace the word
perception
,
families
Use synonyms
 and
government
Use synonyms
 should both
give contribution
Replace the word
contribute
 to provide them
care
Use synonyms
,and the reasons behind my perception will be elaborated in predisposing paragraphs. To commence with,as people do jobs in their entire
Use synonyms
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 so definitly
government
Use synonyms
 should pay for their health
care
Use synonyms
 services.They pay taxes from their salaries and do very hard work for building a good nation by providing not
their
Correct word choice
only their
show examples
 time
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 they give qualities to their fellow colleagues. As in their
last
Linking Words
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they are unable to do work
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
cares
Check wording
care
show examples
 should be free of cost to them,
hence
Linking Words
 they can spend
Use synonyms
life
Correct determiner usage
their life
show examples
 without worrying
food
Change preposition
about food
show examples
 and medicines.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must make sure the provision of facilities to their personal and social
care
Use synonyms
 . Paradoxically,Family role
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 cannot deniable at their
last
Linking Words
 year of
life
Use synonyms
,since they
nuture
Correct your spelling
nurture
 a family
in
Change preposition
throughout their
show examples
 whole
life
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they can be cared
in
Change preposition
for in
show examples
 older age
,
Punctuation problem
. Families
show examples
families
Use synonyms
 should provide them
more
Change preposition
with a more
show examples
 comfortable
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and
also
Linking Words
 assist them in financial ways.
Families
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to give them psychological and physical
care
Use synonyms
 because in nursing
homes
Punctuation problem
homes,
show examples
 they will feel more isolated and no one will hear their problems as a family member can listen to them .
Thus
Linking Words
,
families
Use synonyms
 should pay for their
cares
Check wording
care
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 taking some benefits from
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
regimen have to spend money on various sectors in the nation .
To conclude
Linking Words
 it, to provide
care
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
geatric
Correct your spelling
elderly
 age groups famlies and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should do mutual cooperation,in
this
Linking Words
 way neither
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will feel more burden
nor familes,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
With
it
Punctuation problem
it,
show examples
 older people can spend
their
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 rest of
life
Use synonyms
 very
peacfully
Correct your spelling
peacefully

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about government and family, but each side needs more clear detail.
task response
Give a more direct opinion. Your view is there, but it should be very clear from start to end.
task response
Add one simple example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, so, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Break long sentences into shorter ones. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea of each paragraph can be understood.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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