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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

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It is often argued that a certain set of penalties ought to be determined for every criminal
offense
Change the spelling
offence
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.
While
Linking Words
 I understand the reasoning behind the view, I feel that it is necessary to weigh
on
Change preposition
apply
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the circumstances and motivation regarding the
crime
Use synonyms
 before establishing the sanction. In the sense of justice, assault is never right, whatever the
reasons
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the symbol of justice is wearing
blindfold
Correct article usage
a blindfold
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.
Although
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 it may look heartless, the belief that no one can measure
someone
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someone's
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 motivation is one of the
reasons
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. The desire that rises when executing the
crime
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 can not be
weight
Wrong verb form
weighed
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 into numbers because
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 the first place, it can not be seen. When the mind of the defendant can not be read, the
reasons
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 that trigger the
crime
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 can not be dismissed. It is the nature of a living being to react when being attacked. Where the choice of flight is limited or even none, instinctively, the mind chooses to attack.
Therefore
Linking Words
, before the judge states
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 sanction hearing is being held for the defendant to explain why the grievous event happened. With both opinions
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 right, I believe that
crime
Use synonyms
 does happend with different
reasons
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. The story behind the event needs to be studied before punishment is decided. Humanity can not just decide with numbers. The tragedy of someone's life by the doing of someone else
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 cannot be seen just by the result. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people believe that fixed punishment regardless of the
reasons
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 is ideal, I strongly feel that
reasons
Use synonyms
 are behind all the tragedy.

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task response
Task response: You answer both sides and give your view, but your ideas are not fully clear. Say your main point in a more direct way in each body part.
task response
Task response: Add one clear example for each side. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Task response: Some parts are too general, like 'justice' and 'humanity'. Explain how these ideas link to crime and punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some sentences do not link well to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple link words in a clear way, such as 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Your first body part moves from justice to motivation too quickly.
task response
Task response: You discuss both views and you give your own opinion.
task response
Task response: Your conclusion matches your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use paragraphing, and this helps the reader follow your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your introduction and conclusion are both present.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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