IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful and pursuing us to buy things. Are there people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In today's digital era, myriad
advertisements
Use synonyms
 influence various aspects of daily lives. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advertising
place
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in driving individuals to purchase numerous
products
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that consumers tend to ignore
advertisements
Use synonyms
 for various reasons.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore these different
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of
views
Check wording
view
show examples
 and present my opinion
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the upcoming paragraphs. Some employers believe there are several ways to introduce
products
Use synonyms
 to consumers, with advertising being one of the most important
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to promote and
pursued
Wrong verb form
persuade
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to make
purchase
Correct article usage
a purchase
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the marketing department in a company.They
they
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
believe that product cells depend significantly on the creativity
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the marketing team in creating
Use synonyms
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 for both online and
off-line
Correct your spelling
offline
 media.
For example
Linking Words
, sportswear brand
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Nike has successfully increased
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its profit by signing superstar footballer Cristiano Ronaldo as
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 brand ambassador.
As a result
Linking Words
, Nike
product
Check wording
products
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as shoes, T-shirts, and
accessories
Punctuation problem
accessories,
show examples
 have become the most popular sportswear
around
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the population.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, advertising faces some consequences in society. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are now more concerned about the quality and ingredients of
products
Use synonyms
 rather than trusting the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 they see or read in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 media.
For instance
Linking Words
, even though Coca-Cola recruited
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 celebrities like MS, Dhoni, and Selena Gomez for their commercial
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
companies
Check wording
company's
show examples
 profits have decreased
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significantly
decade
Change preposition
over the past decade
show examples
.
Disney
Check wording
Disney's
show examples
 decline is because
people
Use synonyms
 have become more aware of healthy lifestyles.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, many individuals prefer to find
real
Correct article usage
a real
show examples
 description of
products
Use synonyms
 and read reviews from other customers. I believe that the
major
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
majority of consumers are smart buyers who can research
product
Check wording
products
show examples
 online.
Thus
Linking Words
, reading and watching
Use synonyms
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 is becoming less common in day-to-day life. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can dramatically increase
company's
Correct article usage
a company's
show examples
 profit, I believe that many
people
Use synonyms
 tend to make purchasing
decision
Check wording
decisions
show examples
 based on their own research rather than relying on
Use synonyms
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
. The
over saturation
Correct your spelling
over-saturation
 of
Use synonyms
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 across multiple platforms may lead to consumer boredom and disinterest.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You did this, but one side is a bit stronger than the other.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the middle too, not only in the end.
task response
Use examples that are easy to explain and clearly linked to your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one clear main idea and then support it step by step.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: