IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to cosume less sugar. do you agree or disagree?

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Many
heath
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health
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 problems are caused by manufactured
food
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 and drink
products
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 that contain high levels of
sugar
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. These
products
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 should be made expensive so
people
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 consume less
sugar
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will discuss why
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree with
this
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 notion. Many
companies
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 are producing unhealthy
food
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 and drinks that contain high levels of
sugar
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. These
products
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 cause some serious medical issues
Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as
,
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apply
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 heart diseases and many more. Many members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society say that the government should take some serious actions towards these
companies
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 to stop them from poisoning us. If laws were put
to
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in place to
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 increase the prices of these
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products
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products,
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 many
people
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 would easily stop buying them,
as a
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result
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result,
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 health problems might decrease over the period. When
companies
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 start pricing their
sugary prices
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products
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 much more expensive the consumption rate would decrease dramatically.
People
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 would tend towards the
healthy
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healthy,
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 cheap
products
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and
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, and
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 their health would increase. The
farmers
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farmers'
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 market would
also
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 benefit from
this
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as
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, as
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 the sales would
also
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 increase
and
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, and
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 many
people
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 would start shopping there
due to
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 the reasonably priced
products
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. Because of that
many
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, many
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companies
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 would start producing
non sugary
Correct your spelling
non-sugary
 healthy
food
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 at an affordable price
and
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, and
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 individuals would be encouraged to consume less
sugar
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. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 think that
non healthy
Correct your spelling
non-healthy
 sugary
products
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 should be made more expensive. If they were
overpriced
Punctuation problem
overpriced,
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 many consumers would stop buying them and
instead
Linking Words
 buy the healthy
food
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 that's well priced.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way, like 'therefore', 'for example', and 'however'.
task achievement
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Explain your ideas more. Tell the reader why higher prices will change buying habits.
task achievement
Check that every sentence answers the question in a direct way.
task achievement
You gave a clear opinion and kept it through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are mostly easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar tax
  • health problems
  • high levels of sugar
  • eat less sugar
  • encourage people
  • buy less
  • public health
  • tooth decay
  • weight gain
  • serious illness
  • low-income families
  • daily habit
  • food labels
  • healthy choice
  • government policy
  • raise the price
  • change behavior
  • basic needs
  • long-term health
  • balanced diet
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