IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, student pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do the advantages of governments paying for fees outweigh the disadvantages.

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Governments pay for college fees in some countries,
while
Linking Words
 other governments
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not, and of course, there are advantages and disadvantages in
this
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 situation,
such
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 as everything in our lives does. In my opinion, the advantages completely outweigh the disadvantages, and I will discuss
this
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 in detail in the following paragraphs. First of all, education is the most essential thing in the world, and it is the minimum right for every individual to have. There are a lot of solid advantages in
this
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 situation,
such
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 as supporting education and people who have financial disabilities, so that each individual will have the opportunity to study
,
Correct word order
. Also,
show examples
Also
Linking Words
 people's mental health would be just fine thinking about studying, and they are living in
such
Linking Words
 a great country that would afford their children's studying fees.
In addition
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, certificates taken from these
universities
Use synonyms
 would be the best compared to
other
Correct pronoun usage
those from other
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universities
Use synonyms
. The disadvantages are slightly not found, since
this
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 is
such
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 a great thing to do, but the disadvantage that came
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 mind
that
Verb problem
is that
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 it could be hard to be accepted in these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
universities
Use synonyms
, since they can not afford
each
Verb problem
to accept every
show examples
 student, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it has to be difficult.
Also
Linking Words
, the level of difficulty in studying in these
universities
Use synonyms
 would
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also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
be high.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
 situation, students who want to be accepted should study and try hard.
To conclude
Linking Words
, governments
who pays
Correct subject-verb agreement
that pay
show examples
 for their students are doing
such
Linking Words
 a helpful and wonderful initiative, and the people’s preference will always be living in these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of countries. People should be grateful for
this
Linking Words
 opportunity offered by their country.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say why the good points are stronger than the bad points in each body part.
task response
Add one or two clear real examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more full.
task response
Develop the bad points more fairly. Now you say there are almost no bad points, so the answer feels one-sided.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences are very long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas together. For example, money help, equal chance, and mental health can be in a more clear order.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You answer both sides of the question, with good points and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Simple link words like First of all, In addition, Also, and To conclude help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tuition fees
  • financial burden
  • social equity
  • educational access
  • class disparities
  • lower-income students
  • subsidized education
  • debt-free graduation
  • financial stability
  • consumer spending
  • educated workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • budget constraints
  • public funding
  • taxpayer
  • critical areas
  • infrastructure
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