It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is more significant to spend money on a healthy life than on treating it after you are sick. From my perspective,
although
Linking Words
taking care of sick
people
Use synonyms
is important, first of all, the government should pay attention healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as developing different types of sports, banned junk food. On the one hand, spending for healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
is much more beneficial for the state. If the government in a country pays more attention to sports, encourages eating healthy and natural products, and organizes sport competitions, there will be fewer cases of disease in that country.
For example
Linking Words
, in recent years, sports have been developed, healthy eating and healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
have been promoted, and laws have been passed in Uzbekistan
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
among
people
Use synonyms
, different types of illnesses have dramatically decreased.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, investing in a healthy life is better for the future, but there are
also
Linking Words
diseases that are not related to a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as hereditary diseases, birth defects and cancer.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the state should not stop treating
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
, the government should take more care of them, because they have rights as citizens.
For example
Linking Words
, developing countries
such
Linking Words
as Japan, the United States and France have been allocated money for
ill
Correct article usage
the ill
show examples
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
governments should continue funding medical treatment for sick
people
Use synonyms
, greater investment in promoting a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
can help prevent many diseases and improve the
overall
Linking Words
well-being of society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balance should be maintained, with more emphasis placed on prevention rather than treatment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view more clear in the first paragraph. Say exactly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Add one or two more clear ideas to explain why prevention is more important than treatment.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but they need more detail to show how they support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts feel hard to follow because of long sentences and weak grammar.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one clear main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check punctuation and spacing, because small errors make the essay less easy to read.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples from real countries, which helps support your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: