IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Now a days a growing number of people are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of visiting the usual doctor. Do you think it is a positive or negative development.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Today
Punctuation problem
Today,
show examples
 an increasing number of individuals are heading towards alternative medical treatment and medicines
instead
Linking Words
 of paying a visit to the usual doctor.
I
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, I think that its an positive development
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our society, some medical issues do not need to
by
Verb problem
be
show examples
 treated by a doctor.
Linking Words
Firstly
Punctuation problem
Firstly,
show examples
medication
Use synonyms
 does not always have to be the cure
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most medical
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. Many medicines that are prescribed by doctors make the problem even worse, and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 major side effects that may cause serious health problems to the patient.
As a result
Linking Words
, their medical condition is getting worse, and they are taking more and more
medication
Use synonyms
 that
dose
Verb problem
does
show examples
 more harm than good.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
medication
Use synonyms
sometimes can
Correct word order
can sometimes
show examples
 be addictive. Patients are drugged with
pills
Use synonyms
 that are mostly addictive. They experience a hard time getting off these
pills
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some individuals keep taking them for the
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 of relaxation and pain relief the
pills
Use synonyms
 offer.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, some doctors are
profit oriented
Correct your spelling
profit-oriented
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 all they care about is how to make the patient pay more and more.Sometimes the cure is simple and does not need any
pills
Use synonyms
, x-rays,
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 vitamins, but they prescribe it for them and charge them more than promised.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 some doctors don't care about the
patients
Check wording
patient's
show examples
 health
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
 keep
druging
Correct your spelling
drugging
 them with
medicine
Use synonyms
 in order for them to come back to the clinic more often.
In contrast
Linking Words
, I think that awareness is
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
show examples
 over the world and more and more people are trying alternative traditional
medicine
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the doctor. Traditional
medication
Use synonyms
 is much more effective than
modern day
Correct your spelling
modern-day
medication
Use synonyms
. In the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 every disease had
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cure
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was effective without any side effects
, nowadays
Correct word order
. Nowadays,
show examples
 people are heading back to our roots and traditional
medicine
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 provides instant relief.
For example
Linking Words
, Chinese
medicine
Use synonyms
 was
Known
Fix capitalization
known
show examples
 for its effective healing results
, today
Correct word order
; today,
show examples
 many are relying heavily on it. In conclusion, I think going back to traditional
medication
Use synonyms
 is a positive development in our society. Alternative
medicine
Use synonyms
 offers great and safe benefits to our bodies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly. You say it is positive, but you also need to show why this view is stronger than the other side.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some points are repeated, and some are too general.
task response
Use one or two clear examples with more detail. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly. Some parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it fully before moving on.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same view in the conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both the good side of alternative medicine and the problems with usual treatment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, and the conclusion matches the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
You use words like firstly, secondly, in contrast, and in conclusion to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: