IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to protect the environment is to use local resource, such as food or building materials rather than transporting resources from other places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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I strongly disagree that
to use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 local
resource
Check wording
resources
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
food
Use synonyms
 or building materials
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
show examples
 than transporting
resources
Use synonyms
 from other places is the single best solution to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 using local
resource
Check wording
resources
show examples
 may be an efficient way to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
 by cutting transport pollution, other protections should
also
Linking Words
 be taken into account. Even though compared with transporting
resources
Use synonyms
 from other places,using local
food
Use synonyms
 or building materials is more eco-friendly as it can reduce carbon emissions, which can help slow global warming, it
also
Linking Words
 has other serious problems
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 cause environmental damage, like
over-exploit
Wrong verb form
over-exploiting
show examples
 natural
resources
Use synonyms
. If local
resources
Use synonyms
 are abused a lot, many factories and individuals might concentrate on getting energy
while
Linking Words
 ignore the
environment
Use synonyms
 protecting.
For instance
Linking Words
, to get enough
woods
Check wording
wood
show examples
 to build a building, too many
woods
Use the right word
trees
show examples
 may be cut down, which can not only destroy wildlife habitats, but
also
Linking Words
 be harmful to ecosystems.
In addition
Linking Words
, relying solely on local
food
Use synonyms
 production would intensify the pressure on
food
Use synonyms
 production and lead to problems
such
Linking Words
 as rapid loss of soil nutrients.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are more impactful environmental protection measures.
First,
Linking Words
strict government regulations on industrial or agricultural waste can mainly solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
carbon emissions.
Second,
Linking Words
renewable energy, including solar and wind power, can
take place of
Verb problem
replace
show examples
 traditional fossil
fuel
Check wording
fuels
show examples
 and be good for global warming. In conclusion, consuming local
food
Use synonyms
 and materials is a small step
to reduce
Change preposition
toward reducing
show examples
 transport-related pollution.
However
Linking Words
, it is far from the best way to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the risk of local resource
over-exploit
Replace the word
over-exploitation
.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. You say why you do not agree, but you should also say a bit more about when local use can help.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body part. One paragraph can focus on limits of local resources, and one can focus on better ways.
task response
Use clearer support for your points. Add one more real and clear example, not only general ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Check if each sentence connects well to the one before it. A few parts jump too fast from one idea to another.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the first sentence and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, body, and ending.
task response
You use one example about wood and wildlife, which helps support your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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