IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today's digital
age
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age,
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 numerous calls are made and logged each day. Part of society believes that
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should have the authority to retrieve calls and messages from individuals if it ensures the safety of these
organizations
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organisations
show examples
. In my view,
while
Linking Words
 there are instances where tracking and recording of private calls and texts is necessary,
insitutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 should not be able to access people's private information without a determined cause. All humans have a right to privacy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 accessing their records without their permission is a violation of
this
Linking Words
 principle. Leaking
tdata
Correct your spelling
data
 might damage the person or expose them. Especially for the wealthy or powerful individuals, who might get extorted or blackmailed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the information falls into immoral hands, they can use it to achieve their goals and inflict psychological or other harm
to
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on
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 the victims. Even though retrieving private communications can have negative effects, it can
also
Linking Words
 help society do good and apprehend criminals that would
otherwise
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 never be caught. Espionage and Secret Service clerks might use secret conversations to find out about conspiracies and plots and stop the crime from happening.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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 these are isolated cases where the
goverment
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government
 should have a reasonable suspicion of a future disaster that can be avoided with some truths coming to
life
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light
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. In summary, massively accessing private data should not be a privilege of the
goverments
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governments
,
although
Linking Words
 there are some situations
were
Use the right word
where
show examples
 it is unavoidable and should be done for the sole good of society.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the side for government access is shorter.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction and support it in each body part.
task response
Add one clear example to support your ideas. This will make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', and 'for example' to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need more detail. Explain how and why each point matters.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few sentences are a bit hard to follow because of word choice and small grammar mistakes.
task response
You answer the question and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea of each paragraph is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • access
  • privacy
  • communication data
  • public safety
  • terrorist activities
  • serious crimes
  • monitoring
  • tracked
  • unauthorized access
  • fundamental human right
  • abuse of power
  • infringement
  • trust in governmental institutions
  • surveillance capabilities
  • government power
  • overreach
  • strict regulations
  • accountability measures
  • individual rights
  • potential misuse
  • swift interventions
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