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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities ,which are played alone .To what exteny do you agree or disagree .

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Activities
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practiced togetheir
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practised together
 improve
life
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skills
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 better than those
activities
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practiced
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practised
show examples
 alone.
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Alot
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A lot
 argues that working
togetheir
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together
 enhances social
skills
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 and
help
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helps
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 in
life
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 improvement.
Wheras
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Whereas
,
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apply
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 others claim that
team
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 work include
alot
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 of pressure and lacks
dicipline
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discipline
 and makes
life
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skills
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worse
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worse,
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 not better. In my opinion, I strongly believe that
team
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activities
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do
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apply
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teach
people
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 more
life
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skills
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 than playing alone. In recent years,
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alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
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 tend to participate in social
activities
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due to
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 everything being online. As they can interact with teammates
instead
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 of spending time alone. In which
,
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apply
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 it enhances their communication
skills
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 and improves
it
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them
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 since
,
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apply
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 they will go through
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alot
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a lot
 of pressure or misunderstanding that will lead them into building a better character to face lives experinces.
Moreover
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, peers are going to look after each
as
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other as
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 that will help in not only improving as a person but as a whole
team
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. As an example, when I was
at
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in
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 middle school i joined the basketball
team
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, which was a memorable experincesince were I learned
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alot
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a lot
 through
by
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apply
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all
of
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apply
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the communications that
was
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were
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 made by my teammates
which
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, which
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 made me understand
people
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 better and be
socialy
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socially
 aware of my
suroundings
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surroundings
.
On the other hand
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, some tend to depend on themselves and their own experiences to improve
instead
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 of depending on others. As they feel that playing by themselves would give them the whole focus to be a better version
instead
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 of focusing on the harmony of a whole group with
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alot
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a lot
 of
misconeption
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misconceptions
.
Besides
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, focusing on themselves would improve their skill
such
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 as dicpeline since they have no one to look after them
which
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, which
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coulf
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could
 make them
people
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 who
takes
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take
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 themselves seriously and take control. As an example,
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alot
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a lot
 of
people
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 take a break
of
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from
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 others to focus on themselves to not get distracted by whoever
so
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, so
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 they can improve themselves.
Overall
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,
people
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 who participate in social
activities
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tent
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tend
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 to have better
life
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skills
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 since they are already
practicing
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practising
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 social
skill
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skills
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 within their
activities
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 through their teammates
which
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, which
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plays
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serves
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 as a mock to the real
life
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skills
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.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep saying why team work teaches more life skills.
task response
Give clearer main ideas. Some ideas are hard to follow because the sentence is too long.
task response
Use one strong example and explain it more. This will make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one clear main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, and overall.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some parts do not connect well and this makes the essay harder to read.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, so the answer feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use a personal example, and this helps support your idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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