if the topic is this Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In the modern era, people without a large sum of money
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child
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apply
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have been better prepare with dealing with the problems,
while
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a
child
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upbringing on a wealthy family are not well prepared. I disagree with
this
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statement
as
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, as
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my belief is that the status of the family is not the primary reason to prepare a
child
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to solve problems. The two factors that help are through the
experience
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in
life
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and a person's mentality in the situation.
Firstly
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,
life
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experience
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prepares a
child
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to solve the
issue
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. Through a bad
experience
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, a
child
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can learn their mistake and try not to repeat the same mistakes again. For instance, if a
child
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has faced failure early in their
life
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and learning for that mistake, they resolve the
issue
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.
This
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experience
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helps them to solve any problem they face in their
life
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.
As a result
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, they are not afraid of their mistakes because they know
it
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they
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can be solved.
Secondly
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, a strong mind and willpower can help solve problems. A positive and never-lose mentality of a person can help to fight against any
issue
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they face. For example, a basketball player named Kobe Bryant has a mamba mindset , which prepares him to play against any player he faces because he has a strong mind that refuses to lose.
This
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helps him to win multiple championship and in
a
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an
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interview he said that if you think in your mind you are the winner, you can overcome any situation.
As a result
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, a strong and positive mental strength of a person helps them to overcome their problem.
To conclude
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, the status of the family does not prepare a
child
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to better
appearance
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address
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their problem
but
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, but
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the participation and the mentality of the
child
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help them solve their
issue
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.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each part. Say clearly why you disagree, and link each main idea back to the topic about rich and poor families.
task response
Develop your ideas more. Your two main points are okay, but explain more how life experience and mental strength connect to family money.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. The Kobe Bryant example is interesting, but a family or school example would fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas easier to follow with clearer topic sentences and smoother links between sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand because of grammar and word order. Shorter and simpler sentences will help your meaning stay clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should repeat your main answer in a clearer way and use words from the question.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction: you disagree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure with introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which is good for IELTS writing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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