IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In modern society, nowadays, with the advancement of technology, numerous individuals believe that social networking sites have a detrimental effect on the community,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 hold a diverse view that the internet has
transformed
Verb problem
apply
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a positive impact on users worldwide. I am a staunch believer that the technological revolution has its merits and demerits on the fabric of society .
n
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In
 the beginning, the vast majority of people are using social media platforms for different purposes.
In other words
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, the internet can eliminate the distance among people through networking via Facebook, Instagram, and even Twitter.
Additionally
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, many free resources can be used to improve other skills,
such
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 as language and interpersonal skills.
For instance
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 ,
LinkedIn
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the LinkedIn
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 website is an application that offers a plethora of jobs worldwide, and
also
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put
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offers
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 various free courses that
benefits
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benefit
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 career paths like business
,
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apply
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and leadership skills .
Hence
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, what can be said is that social media has a significant power
on
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in
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 keeping in touch easily with others and career growth.
Nevertheless
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, the drawbacks of excessive
using
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use of
 social networking have a negative effect on an individual’s mental health
due to
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 scrolling and comparisons. To illustrate, numerous people spend many
times
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hours
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 chatting and watching
bloggers
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bloggers,
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 that will lead to low self-esteem, anxiety , and depression.
As a result
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, they will face low productivity levels and distractions.
Thus
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, what can be said is that the excessive use of undesired platforms has its demerits on the fabric of society. In conclusion, by highlighting the mentioned points. It can be reiterated that the advancement of technology has benefits and drawbacks for the community as a whole. I am of the belief that the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. You should say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this view the same from start to end.
task response
Write more about social networking sites, not technology in general. This will make your answer closer to the topic.
task response
Add one more clear idea about the effect on society, not only on one person. For example, talk about family, study, or public trust.
task response
Use examples that are closer to the question. LinkedIn is useful, but your example should connect more directly to social networking sites and their impact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. Now make each paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and careful way. Some parts feel repeated, like 'what can be said is'. Try 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph balance. The good side is explained more than the bad side, so your argument feels uneven.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion match your opinion in the introduction. At the start, your view is not fully clear, and at the end, it changes to a stronger positive view.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, so the reader can see the good and bad points.
task response
You give at least one real example, which helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'Additionally', 'Nevertheless', and 'As a result', which helps the flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
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