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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough? What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Many societies teach
children
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 that with enough
effort
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, they can achieve any goal.
Linking Words
this
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This
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 message can be beneficial as it motivates
children
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 to work harder and build resilience in the face of
challenges
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.
However
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, it can
also
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 lead to
children
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 feeling inadequate if they fail to meet their
goals
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. Encouraging
children
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 to believe that any achievement is possible with enough
effort
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 can be advantageous, as it promotes hard work and resilience. When
children
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 think that diligence is a key to success, they are more likely to stay committed to their
goals
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, despite facing significant
challenges
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.
For example
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, they might dedicate time to excelling in
exam
Correct article usage
an exam
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 or become top
student
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apply
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students. These persistent
effort
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 helps them acquire valuable skills and knowledge for the future and developer resilient mindset, making them less likely to give up when facing difficulties in adulthood. Ultimately,
this
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 and resilience can foster a confident and positive attitude towards life, contributing to a successful career.
However
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,
this
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 message can
also
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 have a negative effect by pushing
children
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 too hard when they encounter failure. People have different abilities and often
on
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apply
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face
challenges
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 they cannot overcome. If
children
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 believe they can achieve anything with enough efforts they might not
access
Verb problem
see
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 failure
and
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apply
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and continue
starving
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striving
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 until they reach their
goals
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.
While
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this
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 might lead to success in some cases, repeated failure can damage their self-confidence and self-esteem.
For instance
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,
to
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apply
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students who excel in
a
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apply
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school might struggle with on familiar
challenges
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 in the workforce as a adult adults.
Instead
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 of seeking help, they might consist on they become disheartened and lose interest in their job. In conclusion, teaching
children
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 to put
effort
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 into achieving their
goals
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 is advisable as it encourages hard work and
preserverance
Correct your spelling
perseverance
.
However
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, it can
also
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 lead to
children
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,
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apply
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 pushing themselves too hard and feeling hopeless and unmotivated if they experience repeated failures.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. Your ideas are good, but some parts are not fully explained.
task response
Add clearer support for each main idea. Tell why the point matters and what result it causes.
task response
Use examples more clearly. Some examples are present, but they need to be more exact and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Make some sentences link better. A few parts are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar mistakes.
coherence cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words well, such as first, for example, however, as a result, and in conclusion.
task response
You answer both the good side and the bad side of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The main position is clear: this message has both benefits and risks.
coherence cohesion
You use examples to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • work ethic
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • undue pressure
  • unrealistic goals
  • disappointment
  • contentment
  • teamwork
  • emotional intelligence
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