IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this. What possible solutions can you suggest?

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Crime
Use synonyms
 is increasing at a rapid rate throughout the globe, as several criminals commit the offence as soon as they are released from
jails
Check wording
jail
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. There are a variety of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
, which will be
captivated
Verb problem
discussed
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 in the forthcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 possible solutions comprising
conclusion
Correct article usage
a conclusion
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at the end
Linking Words
. There are tremendous causes behind the offence committed by the offenders again and again after their release from
the jails
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jail
show examples
, the foremost one is associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
, which stimulates them to do wrong deeds repeatedly even after they are free from
the prisons
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prison
show examples
. To cite an example, in developing countries, like India, most of the people reside below the
poverty
Use synonyms
 line, which incites them to do
crime
Use synonyms
, as they are not able to fulfil their basic needs;
consequently
Linking Words
,
crime
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
robbery
Punctuation problem
robbery,
show examples
 becomes the sole reason behind their bread and butter. There are numerous steps that can be taken to grasp the nettle of
this
Linking Words
 problem, and the most significant support
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 context is the higher authorities' funding, which should be given to those
public
Check wording
people
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 who
resides
Correct subject-verb agreement
reside
show examples
 below the
poverty
Use synonyms
 line so that they can live from hand to mouth.
For instance
Linking Words
, Nigeria is one of the developing nations, where most of the people live
under
Change preposition
below
show examples
 the
poverty
Use synonyms
 line, and mostly
crime
Use synonyms
 is committed by them. If the government provides them with facilities that fulfil their basic needs, like
scheme
Correct article usage
a scheme
show examples
 of
grocery
Check wording
groceries
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 they will be able to feed their family,
instead
Linking Words
 of doing wrong deeds.
Hence
Linking Words
, the funding from the legislation is necessary. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
poverty
Use synonyms
 is the main reason behind the criminal activities that are done by the offenders repeatedly, other reasons should not be neglected, like their
habituality of doing
Replace the word
habitual
crime
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the governments should take adequate actions to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain one main cause well, but the solutions part is a bit short.
task response
Add one more clear cause, such as lack of work or bad friends, because the question asks for causes.
task response
Develop your solution more. Explain how the government can help ex-prisoners get jobs and training.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your main idea the same in each paragraph. In the end, you add another cause, but you do not explain it before.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but some sentences are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each example clearly support the point before it. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer the topic and give both a cause and a solution.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples from real countries, which helps support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
What to do next:
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