IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that people should follow tradition of society. Others, however, believe that young people should have freedom to behave as an individual. discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays, opinions are divided on whether maintaining customs is essential for individuals or independence is necessary for young
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 following some important
traditions
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for connecting with others and maintaining cultural identity, from my point of view , being free is equally essential. Granted, one might argue that following our conventional and traditional customs is essential for
people
Use synonyms
.
Traditions
Use synonyms
 include our past languages, clothing and foods. It enables
people
Use synonyms
 to learn about their history, ancestors and their difficulties.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, through
traditions
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can build strong interaction.
For example
Linking Words
, participating in some festivals
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 conventional holidays gives opportunities to share their ideas and knowledge about
traditions
Use synonyms
. Despite these arguments, a sense of freedom is useful for
people
Use synonyms
’s development. Being independent helps them to be creative, because they can share their ideas without a sense of a fear. Namely, they are not afraid of making mistakes and do not follow some unnecessary traditional structured views.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are not dependent to other if they are independent.
As a result
Linking Words
, making their own decisions about finance, studies and daily responsibilities becomes their own desire.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they improve useful skills
such
Linking Words
 as making correct decisions, problem-solving and overcoming challenges through hard work.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 preserving
traditions
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in strengthening social bonds and protecting cultural heritage, I believe that independence is equally important for young
people
Use synonyms
. By making their own decisions and taking responsibility for their actions, they can develop confidence, acquire valuable life skills, and achieve personal growth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your second side has more detail than the first side.
task response
Give one more clear and real example to support your ideas.
task response
Explain your opinion a little more in the body, not only in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts link well, but a few ideas feel a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea more fully developed before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar choices in connectors and phrases, because they can make meaning less clear.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow and the order is logical.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: