IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The chart above shows the expenditure of two different
countries
Use synonyms
notably
Punctuation problem
, notably
show examples
;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 and
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 United Kingdom
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 their spending routine on consumer
goods
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cars,
computers
Use synonyms
, books,
perfume
Use synonyms
, and cameras, in pounds sterling in the year 2010. Clearly,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 United Kingdom spent more money shopping on more of the
goods
Use synonyms
 than
France
Use synonyms
, cars
Correct word order
; cars,
show examples
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 were the highest amount of pounds spent
to
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 a fraction more than
450,000
Punctuation problem
450,000,
show examples
while
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
spent only 400,000.
Although
Linking Words
 the spending on
computers
Use synonyms
 by both
countries
Use synonyms
 does not have a wide gap compared to their spending on cars,
France
Use synonyms
 had a higher spending power than the
UK
Use synonyms
 in the purchase of
computers
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
the spending margin
show examples
 was
Linking Words
however
Rephrase
apply
show examples
wider
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 in their spending on books
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 a
spent-margin of 100,000 difference
Correct word order
spending difference of 100,000
show examples
. Worthy of notice, both
countries
Use synonyms
 had their lowest spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
perfume
Use synonyms
, lower than all the other
goods
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 consumers seemed to have bought
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
perfume
Use synonyms
, similar
Punctuation problem
. Similar
show examples
 to the higher spending on
computers
Use synonyms
 by
France
Use synonyms
, they
also
Linking Words
 had a higher spending on
perfume
Use synonyms
. Making it the only 2
goods
Use synonyms
 that
France
Use synonyms
 spent higher than the
UK
Use synonyms
. It is
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, however
show examples
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 interesting to see that the highest
spending-gap
Correct your spelling
spending gap
 between
both
Correct determiner usage
the two
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 was on cameras
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was a gap of above 250,000 pounds sterling. Conclusively, it is clear to see from all the categories that the
UK
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
spent more on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goods
Use synonyms
 than
France
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 a
number
Check wording
total
show examples
 of 5 different
goods
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
France
Punctuation problem
. France
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
spent more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 only 2
goods
Use synonyms
 than the
UK
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 a
little gap
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 margin,
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
spent more widely than
France
Use synonyms
 in 3 categories of good with a wider margin.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, france, goods, computers, perfume, uk with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • consumer goods
  • chart
  • countries
  • overall
  • compare
  • analyze
  • categories
  • consumer spending
  • trends
  • proportions
  • statistics
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant
  • notable
  • remarkable
  • substantial
  • considerable
  • determine
  • conclude
  • in conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: