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Writing Samples
Band 5

We are living in a throw-away society and things are used in a shorter period I of time and thrown away. What are the causes of this phenomenon and what problems might it cause?

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In
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced world, individuals
use
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things
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 for a shorter period of time,
although
Linking Words
 the product has longevity. The
products
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 are being
thrown-away
Punctuation problem
thrown away
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 after a short-term
use
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for
Change preposition
due to
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 their availability, affordability, and to follow the fashion trend.
This
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 causes an adverse impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary society.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes and the problems associated with it. The primary reason for
this
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 phenomenon is that
products
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 are much cheaper and available nowadays, compared to the past. In
this
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 competitive era of business, manufacturers sell goods with a lower profit margin. Sometimes manufacturers make
single-
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use
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products
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 just for profit without thinking of the consequences it has on the environment,
for example
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,
single-
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use
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 plastics.
Additionally
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, with the emergence of e-commerce, consumers can buy
things
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 in a matter of moments, and people often buy
things
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 for momentary happiness without actual need.
As a result
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,
products
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 are thrown away after a short period of
use
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.
Consequently
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, individuals buy items or garments just for fashion trends. After using a couple of
days
Punctuation problem
days,
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 these items are
thrown-away
Correct your spelling
thrown away
, as new trendy
products
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 appear on the market.
However
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,
this
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 mindset has a severe effect on our society. It can cause environmental degradation
,
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apply
show examples
 and lead to pollution and poor waste management. As people
use
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things
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 for
short-term
Correct determiner usage
the short term
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 and dump them, these
things
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 directly go into the
dump-yard
Correct your spelling
dump yard
, and make it harder for the
concerning
Replace the word
concerned
 authority to manage waste.
Consequently
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, the shorter life-cycle
products
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 made for
consumers
Check wording
consumers'
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 convenience,
such
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 as
single-
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use
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 plastic, cannot be dissolved within a 500-year period, which ultimately leads to environmental degradation.
Furthermore
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, these
single-
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use
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 plastics are often dumped into the river or ocean, which may
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to biodiversity loss. In conclusion, to save the environment and for proper waste management
manufacturers
Punctuation problem
, manufacturers
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 and consumers should be aware of using
single-
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use
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products
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 and swap
things
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 if they have
life
Correct article usage
a life
show examples
 span.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes well, but the problems part can be wider and more direct.
task response
Add one more clear problem, such as cost to cities or harm to human health.
task response
Use examples with more detail. For example, explain how fast fashion creates more waste in landfills.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few sentences are long and hard to follow. Shorter sentences can help.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. The last line should give a summary, not a new idea or advice.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both causes and problems.
task response
Your ideas are mostly clear and relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like additionally, consequently, and furthermore.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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