IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries criminal trials in law courts are shown on television so that the general public can watch. Do the advantages of allowing this overweigh the disadvantages?

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In some nations, the whole public can watch criminal
cases
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 in
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 courts on television.
Although
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this
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 has some
advantages
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, I strongly believe that broadcasting criminal
cases
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 on television has negative impacts on
people
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's mental
health
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 and decision makers'
lives
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.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
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 disadvantages outweigh the
advantages
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. One major advantage of
wathcing
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watching
 criminal
cases
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 on TV is that as criminals receive extremely severe penalties, it deters
people
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 from
commiting
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committing
 a
crime
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.
This
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 is because
people
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 see that committing a
crime
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 is not worth it, as they pay for it with their
lives
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, and
as a result
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, it reduces the
criminal
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crime
 rates. Another advantage is that governments need well-educated and skilled lawyers and judges for their justice departments. Broadcasting criminal trials on TV programmes has a considerable influence on young
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people
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people's
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 education preferences. Because they see judges and lawyers, who are respected figures in
people
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's eyes, adolescents want to become
a judge
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judges
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 or
a lawyer
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lawyers
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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 helps
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 governments' needs.
For instance
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, some law school students share their experiences of how they chose
this
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 major, and they generally say that they watched a significant number of series, criminal
cases
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, and movies about
crime
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.
Therefore
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, it has positive effects on adolescents' educational preferences and contributes to a reduction in
crime
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 rates.
Firstly
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, broadcasting the faces of decision makers on TV can put them at risk, as it may trigger criminals' associates to attempt assassination, which in turn could influence judges' rulings.
Secondly
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, these programmes
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 some sensitive content which has
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
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 effect on
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people
Check wording
people's
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 mental
health
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.
This
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 is because watching violence, dead bodies, and victims of
crime
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 triggers empathy in viewers.
As a result
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,
people
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 struggle to focus on their daily
lives
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 without thinking about these victims. To illustrate, friends of mine who watch these programmes suffer from mental
health
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 issues and have to receive professional help to overcome them.
Hence
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, it has a detrimental effect on
people
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's daily
lives
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. In conclusion,
while
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 broadcasting criminal
cases
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 has some
advantages
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, I firmly maintain that it has negative impacts on
people
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's mental
health
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 and professionals'
lives
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.
Thus
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, these drawbacks outweigh the
advantages
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.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way before you give your final view.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more direct, not only general ideas or friends.
task response
Check each main idea and explain it one more step so the reader can follow your point well.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are good, but a few parts feel too long.
coherence and cohesion
Keep grammar in noun groups correct, like 'these disadvantages' and 'people's mental health'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main point, then add support in a simple order.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a clear end.
task response
Most ideas are on topic and match the question well.
coherence and cohesion
You use cause and effect links well in many places.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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