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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 word

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Many people share the opinion that academic achievements and
career
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 milestones define
success
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. For some,
success
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 does not deviate far from
this
Linking Words
 definition, yet for others,
career
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 and academics play no role in their sense of
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
. For me, a person
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 is able to balance their
career
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 prospects and their family life is somebody I would call
succesful
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successful
. In many fields,
career
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 and academics define
success
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.
This
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 is especially evident in highly competitive and
research dominated
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research-dominated
 fields, where peers compete with one another for publications and recognition.
For instance
Linking Words
, in medicine, most physicians would describe a
succesful
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successful
 doctor as one who is the head of their
word
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ward
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, or has achieved the most publications in their hospital. In
this
Linking Words
 field,
success
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 is very closely tied to these milestones and academic excellence.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, for other professions, academics and
career
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achievments
Correct your spelling
achievements
 may play no role in their definition of
success
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. Not every person works, and not every person even reaches higher levels of education, yet they may describe themselves as
succesful
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successful
.
That is
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 not because they are wrong in their description, but
rather
Punctuation problem
rather,
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 they possess another mindset when it comes to
success
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. A common occurrence of
this
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 would be a
house-wife
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housewife
. Despite not having a "job", they still work tirelessly at home on a daily basis. Many
house wives
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housewives
 would describe
success
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 as being a good mother
,
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apply
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 or raising their kids well.
Thus
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, people define
success
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 very differently from one another, and I believe a mix of these two beliefs is where I stand. In order for me to consider myself successful, I would have to be a great father. Family is extremely important to me, and
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thus
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thus,
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 I cannot consider myself high-achieving if that comes at the expense of my own family.
For example
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, a lawyer who has reached the status of the best in the country
,
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apply
show examples
 but spends no time with his loved ones
,
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apply
show examples
 would not be someone I would consider successful. High achievements alone do not equate to
success
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 for me. Since I operate in the medical sphere, my main priority in terms of my
career
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,
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apply
show examples
 is to treat as many patients as I can, to the highest level possible,
while
Linking Words
 still being a good father.
Therefore
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, if my family feels neglected, I could treat thousands of patients and still would not describe myself as successful. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, for some
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success
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, success
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 is fully dependent on the progression of their careers and their involvement in academia, and for
others
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others,
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 these factors do not even play a role. For me, a combination of the two definitions suits best what I would like to achieve
out of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my life.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more direct way. You do this well, but your view of success can be made even clearer in the first paragraph.
task response
Add one more clear example for your own view. This will make your ideas feel more full and strong.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Try to explain them a bit more so the reader can see exactly what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make it better, link some ideas more smoothly inside each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are a bit long and heavy. Break them into shorter parts to make the line of thought easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but more simple links like 'also', 'because', and 'for this reason' can help the flow.
task response
You answer both questions in the task and give your own view clearly.
task response
You use examples from work and family life, and they fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main job.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, which gives the essay a full shape.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial prosperity
  • Job stability
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Happiness
  • Career growth
  • Work-life balance
  • Professional life
  • Personal commitments
  • Academic excellence
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Societal contributions
  • Positive impact
  • Overcoming adversity
  • Personal goals
  • Self-awareness
  • Passion or hobby
  • Quality time
  • Salary
  • Promotions
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