IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Certain individuals are under the belief that scientific subjects should receive
a
Correct article usage
the
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 majority of the budget allocated to schools by the government. I strongly disagree, as I believe that all paths
students
Use synonyms
 wish to pursue need to be equally encouraged.
This
Linking Words
 can only be achieved by applying comparable spending to all facets of learning involved in school education.
Firstly
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, if the sciences receive more funding, it will create unequal opportunities for those who
would
Wrong verb form
do
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 not wish to
not
Rephrase
apply
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pursue careers in their related fields. Many
students
Use synonyms
 do not need to take sciences in
order
Use synonyms
 to continue their preferred career path, but would still be affected by
this
Linking Words
 decision.
For example
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, if a student is interested in the arts
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 but takes no scientific subjects, they will receive worse supplies to pursue their passion.
Thus
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,
this
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 creates an unequal environment, placing
students
Use synonyms
 pursuing science at an advantage in comparison to their peers.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
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 inequality may deter
students
Use synonyms
 from pursuing what they truly desire. In
order
Use synonyms
 to receive the benefits of the larger budgets these subjects use,
students
Use synonyms
 may not take disciplines
they
Change preposition
in which they
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 are more interested
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For instance
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, if a student is interested in becoming an athlete, but their institution neglects sport, they might opt to take the overfunded
chemistry
Use synonyms
 course, despite not having any affinity towards
chemistry
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is unfair for
students
Use synonyms
 who do not desire to follow
such
Linking Words
 paths, or who may be incorrectly encouraged to take them. The sciences are more demanding than other courses in terms of expenditure.
Chemistry
Use synonyms
, biology and physics all require expensive lab
equipment
Use synonyms
 to be purchased and used. Without
this
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equipment
Use synonyms
, these disciplines would not be taught effectively. A common
occurence
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 of
this
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 is seen in the subject of
chemistry
Use synonyms
, where
students
Use synonyms
 need to use titration
equipment
Use synonyms
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to make calculations and solve chemical equations. At the same time, I think that
this
Linking Words
 fact should not be used to underfund other programmes, as they too have important expenditures. In conclusion, the expensive
equipment
Use synonyms
 used in science makes it seem like spending should be focused on these areas of schooling.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that, despite
this
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 fact, we must make conscious efforts to achieve high quality in all areas of schooling, in
order
Use synonyms
 to not
discourage
Correct word order
to discourage
show examples
 pupils from pursuing the careers they are most passionate about.

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task response
Make your second main idea more clear. You say science needs more money, but this part does not fully support your main view. Explain more clearly why this does not change your opinion.
task response
Add one more direct reason for your view in body paragraph 2 or change that paragraph to support your main answer better.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but some are a bit general. Use one more real and clear school example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas between paragraphs more smoothly. The jump from unfair chances to science costs is a little sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are too long. Split them into shorter parts so the meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words like 'pursue' and 'science'. Try simple change of words to make flow better.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a strong view from the start.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic and does not go off track.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear intro, two body parts, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are put in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • education funding
  • science subjects
  • STEM fields
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • economic competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • curriculum
  • real-world applications
  • climate change
  • public health
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • diverse student interests
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