It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more importants. Do you agree or disagree?

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Each year, citizens discuss the
government
Use synonyms
's financial planning.
Then
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, the
money
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of
Change preposition
for
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wildlife
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protection
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exists in various perspectives.
From
Change preposition
In
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my opinion, I agree
the
Correct word choice
that the
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government
Use synonyms
spend sufficient
money
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to protect
wildlife
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.
Instead
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of spending
money
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in
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on
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other aspects.
In addition
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, the relationship between
wildlife
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and human existence are intercorrelation.
For instance
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, basically, human existence requires water. Maintaining the water quality of
Wildlife
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becomes important. In
Hong
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Kong
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, there is a
government
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organisation to retain the water quality. If
spening
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spending
the same cost in another
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
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. It breaks the circle of human
fundamentally
Replace the word
fundamental
existence
condition
Check wording
conditions
show examples
.
Besides
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,
Wildlife
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protection
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also
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creates
the
Correct article usage
apply
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value in
economic
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the economy
, tourism and attract to talent person staying in
Hong
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Kong
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.
For example
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, recently,
Hong
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Kong
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had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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news that a
Janpanese
Correct your spelling
Japanese
doctor
interview
Wrong verb form
was interviewed
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. The content claimed that the doctor stayed in
Hong
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Kong
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since he loved
Hong
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Kong
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's nature enivornment.
Additionally
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,
Hong
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Kong
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also
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has
numorous
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numerous
visitors watching
wildlife
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, stunning views. It
also
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provides the contirbution in
Hong
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Kong
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income.
Therefore
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, spending
money
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in
protection
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wildlife
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is worth
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due
Correct pronoun usage
it due
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to
increase
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the increase
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values.
Moreover
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,
wildlife
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protection
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is a responsibility of global citizens or countries. Many countries
foused
Correct your spelling
focused
on
enivorment
Correct your spelling
environmental
protection
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. It is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
biggest
trand
Correct your spelling
trend
. If
Hong
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Kong
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willingly
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
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more
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
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this
Linking Words
aspect.
Use synonyms
Hong
Correct article usage
The Hong
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Kong
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government
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through
Punctuation problem
, through
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this
Linking Words
project result to communicate with
others
Correct word choice
other
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countries.
Thus
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
creates the communication pathway to connect other
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
. In conclusion, I agree
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
spend
Verb problem
should spend
show examples
more
money
Use synonyms
to protect
wildlife
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in the first part. Say exactly why you agree or disagree.
task response
Add one more direct reason about why wildlife money is more important than other problems.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more close to the main question.
coherence cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part and explain it step by step.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like first, also, for example, and as a result in a clear way.
coherence cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts now jump too fast.
task response
You gave a clear opinion and kept it to the end.
task response
You used more than one reason to support your view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You tried to use examples to support your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wildlife
  • nature
  • protect
  • protect wildlife
  • conserve
  • save
  • animals
  • plants
  • park
  • forest
  • reserve
  • funds
  • budget
  • spend
  • cost
  • plan
  • priority
  • problem
  • issue
  • future
  • long term
  • short term
  • jobs
  • tourism
  • money
  • tax
  • policy
  • government
  • care
  • people
  • community
  • education
  • health
  • economy
  • balance
  • goal
  • measure
  • result
  • benefit
  • harm
  • change
  • together
  • cooperation
  • work with
  • group
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