IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The population of major cities around the world is increasing very fastly. Why is this the case and what measures could be taken to solve this issue.

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Large
cities
Use synonyms
 are becoming more densely populated at rapidly increasing rates.
This
Linking Words
 happens
due to
Linking Words
 better work
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 being present in large
cities
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, which comes at the cost of smaller towns decreasing in size. Nations must intervene and aid the economies of smaller
cities
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 in
order
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 to promote their growth. Many
high earning
Correct your spelling
high-earning
 jobs are available only in major
cities
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, especially for certain career paths.
Therefore
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,
people
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 relocate from their
home towns
Correct your spelling
hometowns
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in pursuit of higher earnings and better career prospects.
For example
Linking Words
, most large law firms are based in urban locations,
thus
Linking Words
 attracting lawyers pursuing better earnings to move near them. As shown,
people
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 opt for bigger
cities
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 over alternative locations,
due to
Linking Words
 higher
quanitity
Correct your spelling
quantity
 and quality of
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 being available. In
order
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 to combat
this
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, governments can offer subsidies to
people
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 pursuing certain career paths that are more
present
Correct word choice
prevalent
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 in rural towns.
Due to
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 modern
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
, many rurally based financial sectors have suffered great losses, both in terms of their production
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and in terms of their profit. The government must step in and help these sectors thrive, or the problem will continue to deteriorate.
For instance
Linking Words
, farmers are struggling to make profits currently, but with the help of
subsidies
Punctuation problem
subsidies,
show examples
 they have been able to maintain relative stability. In
order
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 to grow sectors like farming, governments must step in at the national level, or else
such
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 markets will continue to regress.
This
Linking Words
 could entice
people
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 to stay out of larger
cities
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,
due to
Linking Words
 good opportunities being present locally. In conclusion, individuals choose to move to larger
cities
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 in pursuit of more lucrative and promising careers. In
order
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 to diminish the effects of
this
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 issue, governments must step in and aid the citizens in
less populated
Correct your spelling
less-populated
 regions of their countries.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why people move to big cities well, but the fixes part needs one more clear idea.
task response
Use more direct examples. Your farming example is good, but one more real and clear example would help.
task response
Develop ideas a bit more. Some points are clear, but a few need more detail to feel complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some links can be smoother between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try not to repeat the same idea in different words too much. This can make the essay feel less strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay very focused on one main point, then explain it fully.
task response
You clearly answer the question about why city population grows.
task response
You give a solution and explain how it may help smaller places.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan areas
  • infrastructure
  • job opportunities
  • rural-urban migration
  • standard of living
  • globalization
  • decentralization
  • urban planning
  • public transportation
  • sustainable development
  • affordable housing
  • population density
  • birth rates
  • death rates
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational opportunities
  • cultural attractions
  • housing policies
  • eco-friendly
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