IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The number of elderly people in the world is increasing. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend?

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It is observed that many nations all around the world are facing
tremendous
Correct article usage
a tremendous
show examples
 increase in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of old
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend is beneficial because countries would not encounter unemployment and would consist of wiser
people
Use synonyms
 who may advise on the functioning of the
state
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it would certainly put an adverse impact on the workforce, and revenue of the
state
Use synonyms
 as the
authorites
Use the right word
authorities
show examples
 would be liable for their
well being
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 who are in their old age do not intend to work and are
moslty
Correct your spelling
mostly
 retired.
This
Linking Words
 is because they already spend most of their life in employment, and intend to spend the rest of it by remaining idle or pursuing their hobbies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many of the
people
Use synonyms
 in
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation are intellectuals who could be
poved
Verb problem
proved
show examples
 useful in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advising the governance
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 better
functioning
Replace the word
function
.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, many retired court judges are part of commissions formulated by the
state
Use synonyms
 for their smooth operation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a nation
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 require the young workforce to do jobs which are impossible for any other age
factor
Check wording
group
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, recruitment in the army is mainly done with adults who are still in their
tweenties
Correct your spelling
twenties
.
This
Linking Words
 would put
such
Linking Words
 employment sectors in
harms
Check wording
harm's
show examples
 way.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 generation is
proved
Wrong verb form
proven
show examples
 to be a
liablity
Correct your spelling
liability
 on the countries as they tend to have more health problems, and they require a certain amount in montly pension because they are not working.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada elder
people
Use synonyms
are getting
Wrong verb form
receive
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 pension benefits and health benefits monthly
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the government
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is ultimately
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
 a dent in their financial resources. In conclusion,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 generation
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 bring in certain developmental aspects with them as they are a better advisor to the
state
Use synonyms
, and they remove
completition
Correct your spelling
competition
 in
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 sector by leaving it for the young. But they
also
Linking Words
 require assistance in free healthcare by the
state
Use synonyms
, and countries could
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 adversely impacted
due to
Linking Words
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 shortage.

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task response
Answer both good and bad sides in a more even way. The good side is a bit short.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas more clear at the start of each body paragraph.
task response
Explain some ideas more. At times, you state a point but do not fully show why it is true.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts connect well, but some ideas jump too fast.
task response
Examples are helpful, but make them more exact and clearly tied to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one central idea and avoid repeating the same point in new words.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: good effects and bad effects.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples from India and Canada, which helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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