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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average cost of a monthly contract for 4 different mobiles in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euro.

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The chart below shows the average cost of a monthly contract for 4 different mobiles in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euro.
The chart illustrates the common
cost
Use synonyms
 of
monthly
Correct article usage
a monthly
show examples
 contract in four different
mobile
Fix the agreement mistake
mobiles
show examples
 in a European country from January to September 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, at the start of the
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the highest price
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 Damo, the second place
occupied
Verb problem
was occupied
show examples
Lex
Change preposition
by Lex
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 Alpha, and the
last
Linking Words
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 Sim TX. Surprisingly,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
 Sim TX overcame three other mobiles and
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 the biggest growth in
cost
Use synonyms
. Moving to a more detailed analysis, it can be seen that Damo rose from 15 to 17
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
 during January-February. In March
cost
Use synonyms
 went down to 16, but
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 rose dramatically
next
Change preposition
over the next
show examples
 three months up to 25 euros. From July to
September
Punctuation problem
September,
show examples
 it decreased slightly to 23
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Lex fell from 13 to 10
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
 in January.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
is fluctuated
Wrong verb form
fluctuates
show examples
 during February-June from 10 to 14
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
. The
remained
Replace the word
remaining
 time Lex demonstrated
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in
cost
Use synonyms
 from 13 to 18. Alpha is the only phone which ended
up
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 with a lower price than
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the start. At
first,
Linking Words
during January-May
cost
Use synonyms
 slowly increased from 9 to 14. Despite
this
Linking Words
 fact, the
remained
Replace the word
remaining
 time of the
year
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had a downward trend,
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 from 14 to 8
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
. Sam TX remained stable during January-May with nearly 5
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 increased drastically during the summer. First from 5 to 10,
then
Linking Words
 to 14, and to 25 in August.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, year, euro with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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