IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to sole the environmental problem is to increase the price of fuel .To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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In
this
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 modern era, it is undeniable that environmental
problems
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 are a major concern for people. Some individuals believe that the solution of environmental problem is to raise the
fuel
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prices
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. I totally disagree with
this
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 notion , and my position is argued
further
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 with an explanation.
Firstly
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,
fuel
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 is not the only thing disrupting the
environment
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 all across the world. To illustrate, there are
also
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 other
factors
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such
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 as global warming, deforestation and soil erosion
also
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 changing the
environment
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.
Thus
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,
fuel
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prices
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 will only control the pollution factor , but other
factors
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 will still damage the
environment
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.
For instance
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, as per a recent report by the Indian Department of
Environment
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, only 20% of environmental
problems
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 are caused by pollution and others 80% of
problems
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 are caused by other
factors
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.
Therefore
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, increasing the price of
fuel
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 will not bring any change in
environment
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.
Secondly
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, by raising the price of
fuel
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, the inflation rate will increase , rather than decrease , the environmental
problems
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 because other sectors will
also
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 raise the
prices
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 of their products to make more profit to buy
fuel
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 for their vehicle. To clarify, other
factors
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 will surely be influenced by the rise in
fuel
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prices
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, but still, vehicles will run on the road by covering that cost from their businesses.
For example
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, during the war between the USA and Iran, the consumption of
fuel
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 was the same even after the
prices
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 of
fuel
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 were high. In conclusion, high
fuel
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prices
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 will only bring a high inflation rate and global warming , and deforestation will still have a bad influence on the
environment
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. It is important to think about other
factors
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and to control the environmental
problems
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.

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task response
Task response: Your main view is clear, and you answer the question. But some ideas are too general. Explain more how higher fuel prices would or would not change people's use of fuel.
task response
Task response: Your examples help, but they do not feel fully strong or clear. Use one simple and direct example, and explain it well.
task response
Task response: Be careful with facts and numbers. If you use a report or a study, it should sound clear and believable.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good. But some sentences are too long or not linked in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like first, also, because, so, and however can help, but do not use too many commas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some ideas do not fully connect. For example, the link between fuel price and global warming in the end is not fully explained.
task response
Task response: You clearly say that you disagree, and you keep this view through the essay.
task response
Task response: You give two main reasons for your view, so the reader can follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use basic linking words like firstly, secondly, for instance, and therefore.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • sustainability
  • alternative energy sources
  • air pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • public transportation
  • energy-efficient technologies
  • environmental initiatives
  • reforestation
  • wildlife conservation
  • economic impact
  • innovation
  • policy measures
  • carbon footprint
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